"And these parts in some very lucky people?"
"Well done, thur. I can thee you are a wit. And one day thome poor thoul will have a really nathty brain injury, and - " he tapped the chilly box again - "what goeth around cometh around."
He nodded at Cheery, and at Vimes. "I mutht be going now, thur. Tho much to do, you know how it ith."
"I can imagine," said Vimes. He thought: the axe of my grandfather. You change the bits around, but there"ll always be an Igor.
"They"re really rather selfless people, sir," said Cheery, when the last Igor had lurched off. "They do a lot of good work. Er, they even took his suit and his boots because they"ll be useful to someone."
"I know, I know. But - "
"I know what you mean, sir. Everyone"s in the drawing room. Lady Sybil said you"d be back. She said anyone with that look in their eye comes back."
"We"re all going to the coronation. Might as well see this through. Is that what you"ll be wearing, Cheery?"
"Yes, sir."
"But it"s just... ordinary dwarf clothes. Trousers and everything."
"Yes, sir."
"But Sybil said you"d got a fetching little green number and a helmet with a feather in it."
"Yes, sir."
"You"re free to wear whatever you want, you know that."
"Yes, sir. And then I thought about Dee. And I watched the King when he was talking to you, and... well, I can wear what I like, sir. That"s the point. I don"t have to wear that dress and I shouldn"t wear it just because other people don"t want me to. Besides, it made me look like a rather stupid lettuce."
"That"s all a bit complicated for me, Cheery."
"It"s probably a dwarf thing, sir."
Vimes pushed open the doors to the drawing room. "It"s over," he said.
"Did you hurt anyone else?" said Sybil.
"Only Wolfgang."
"He"ll be back," said Angua.
No.
"You killed him?"
"No. I put him down. I see you"re up, captain."
Carrot got to his feet, awkwardly, and saluted. "Sorry I haven"t been much use, sir."
"You just chose the wrong time to fight fair. Are you well enough to come?"
"Er, Angua and I want to stay here, if it"s all right with you, sir. We"ve got things to talk about. And, er... do."
It was the first coronation Vimes had attended. He"d expected it to be... stranger, touched somehow by glory.
Instead it was dull, but at least it was big dull, dullness distilled and cultivated over thousands of years until it had developed an impressive shine, as even grime will if you polish it long enough. It was dull hammered into the shape and form of ceremony.
It had also been timed to test the capacity of the average bladder.