The Truth (Discworld 25)

'Er, yes,' said a chair. 'His lordship is not to be harmed any more than is strictly necessary. Vetinari dead would be more dangerous than Vetinari alive.'

'And at all costs there must be no trouble with the Watch.'

'Yeah, we know about the Watch,' said Mr Pin. 'Mr Slant told us.'

'Commander Vimes is running a very... efficient Watch.'

'No problem,' said Mr Pin.

'And it employs a werewolf.'

White powder fountained into the air. Mr Pin had to slap his colleague on the back.

'A --ing werewolf? Are you --ing crazy?'

'Uh... why does your partner keep saying ' 'ing' ', Mr Pin?' said a chair.

'You must be out of your --ing minds!' Tulip growled.

'Speech impediment,' said Pin. 'A werewolf? Thank you for telling us. Thank you very much. They're worse than vampires when they're on the trail! You do know that, do you?'

'You were recommended to us as men of resource.'

'Expensive men of resource,' said Mr Pin.

A chair sighed. There are seldom any other kind. Very well, very well. Mr Slant will discuss this with you.'

'Yeah, but they've got a sense a' smell that you wouldn't believe,' Mr Tulip went on. 'Money's no use to a --ing dead man.'

'Are there any other surprises?' said Mr Pin. 'You've got bright watchmen and one of 'em's a werewolf. Anything else? They've got trolls too?'

'Oh, yes. Several. And dwarfs. And zombies.'

'In a Watch? What kind of a city are you running here?'

'We are not running the city,' said a chair.

'But we care about the way it is going,' said another.

'Ah,' said Mr Pin. 'Right. I remember. You are concerned citizens.' He knew about concerned citizens. Wherever they were, they all spoke the same private language, where 'traditional values' meant 'hang someone'. He did not have a problem with this, broadly speaking, but it never hurt to understand your employer.

'You could have got someone else,' he said. 'You've got a guild of Assassins here.'

A chair made a sucking sound between its teeth.

'The trouble with the city at present,' it said, 'is that a number of otherwise intelligent people find the status quo... convenient, even though it will undoubtedly ruin the city.'

'Ah,' said Mr Pin. They are unconcerned citizens.'

'Precisely, gentlemen.'

There's a lot of them?'

The chair ignored this.

'We look forward to seeing you again, gentlemen. Tomorrow night. When, I trust, you will announce your readiness. Good evening.'

The circle of chairs was silent for a while after the New Firm had left. Then a black-clad figure entered soundlessly through the big doors, approached the light, nodded and hurried away.