The Truth (Discworld 25)

texture of the stair carpet in the big hall, a rather dull pattern of red and blue.

'Carpet dust got mixed in, I expect,' said Otto. 'Do not be alarmed. Happens all zer time,' He sniffed the sleeve. 'Finest steak? Thank you!'

'It was dog food,' said William the Truthful.

'Dog food?'

'Yes. Grab your stuff and follow me.'

'Dog food?'

'You did say it was finest steak. Lord Vetinari is kind to his dog. Look, don't complain to me. If this sort of thing happens a lot then you ought to carry a little bottle of emergency blood! Otherwise people will do the best they can!'

'Veil, yes, fine, zank you anyvay,' the vampire mumbled, trailing behind him. 'Dog food, dog food, oh dear me... vhere are ve goink now?'

'To the Oblong Office to see where the attack was made,' said William. 'I just hope it isn't being guarded by someone clever.'

'Ve will get into a lot off trouble.'

'Why?' said William. He'd been thinking the same thing, but: why? The palace belonged to the city, more or less. The Watch probably wouldn't like him going in there, but William felt in his bones that you couldn't run a city on the basis of what the Watch liked. The Watch would probably like it if everyone spent their time indoors, with their hands on the table where people could see them.

The door to the Oblong Office was open. Guarding it, if you could truly be said to be on guard whilst leaning against the wall staring at the opposite wall, was Corporal Nobbs. He was smoking a surreptitious cigarette.

'Ah, just the man I was looking for!' said William. That was true. Nobby was more than he'd hoped for.

The cigarette disappeared by magic.

'Am I?' wheezed Nobbs, smoke curling out of his ears.

'Yes, I've been talking to Commander Vimes, and now I would like to see the room where the crime was committed.' William had great hopes of that sentence. It seemed to contain the

words 'and he gave me permission to' without actually doing so.

Corporal Nobbs looked uncertain, but then he noticed the notebook. And Otto. The cigarette appeared between his lips again.

' 'ere, are you from that news paper?'

'That's right,' said William. 'I thought people would be interested in seeing how our brave Watch swings into action at a time like this.'

Corporal Nobbs's skinny chest visibly swelled.

'Corporal Nobby Nobbs, sir, probably 34, bin in uniform since prob'ly ten years old, man and boy.'

William felt he ought to make a show of writing this down. 'Probably 34?'

'Our mam has never been one for numbers, sir. Always a bit vague on fine detail, our mam.'

'And...' William took a closer look at the corporal. You had to assume he was a human being because he was broadly the right shape, could talk and wasn't covered in hair. 'Man and boy and... ?' he heard himself say.

'Just man and boy, sir,' said Corporal Nobbs reproachfully. 'Just man and boy.'

'And were you first on the scene, corporal?'

'Last on the scene, sir.'

'And your important job is to... ?'

'Stop anyone going through this door, sir,' said Corporal Nobbs, trying to read William's notes upside down. 'That's "Nobbs" without a "K", sir. It's amazing how people get that wrong. What's he. doing with that box?'