The Truth (Discworld 25)

'We don't often talk about Corporal Nobbs's species,' said Vimes, after a while. 'I would deem it a small favour if you would take the same approach.'

'Yes, sir. So could I ask you why you're having me watched?'

'I am?'

The gargoyles. Everyone knows a lot of them work for the Watch these days.'

'We're not watching you. We're watching to see what happens to you,' said Sergeant Angua.

'Because of this,' said Vimes, slapping the newspaper.

'But I'm not doing anything wrong,' said William.

'No, it may just be you're not doing anything illegal,' said Vimes. 'Although you're coming damn close. Other people do not have my kind and understanding disposition, though. All I ask is that you try not to bleed all over the street.'

'I'll try.'

'And don't write that down.'

'Fine.'

'And don't write down that I said don't write that down.'

'Okay. Can I write down that you said that I shouldn't write down that you said--' William stopped. The mountain was rumbling. 'Only joking.'

'Haha. And no tapping my officers for information.'

'And no giving dog biscuits to Corporal Nobbs,' said Sergeant Angua. She walked around behind Vimes and peered over his shoulder. "The Truth Shall Make Ye Fret"?'

'Printer's error,' said William shortly. 'Anything else I shouldn't do, commander?'

'Just don't get in the way.'

'I'll make a-- I'll remember,' said William. 'But, if you don't mind my asking, what's in it for me?'

Tm Commander of the Watch and I'm asking you politely.'

'And that's it?'

'I could ask you impolitely, Mr de Worde.' Vimes sighed. 'Look, can you see things my way? A crime has been committed. The Guilds are in an uproar. You've heard of too many chiefs? Well, right now there's a hundred many chiefs. I've Captain Carrot and a lot of men I really can't spare guarding the Oblong Office and the rest of the clerks, which means I'm short-handed everywhere else. I've got to deal with all this and... actively pursue & state of non-bafflement. I've got Vetinari in the cells. And Drumknolt, too--'

'But wasn't he the victim, sir?'

'One of my men is tending him.'

'Not one of the city doctors?'

Vimes stared fixedly at the notebook. 'The doctors of this city are a fine body of men,' he said in a level tone, 'and I would not see a word written against them. One of my staff just happens to have... special skills.'

'You mean he can tell someone else's arse from their elbow?'

Vimes was a fast learner. He sat with his hands folded and a completely impassive expression.

'Can I ask another question?' said William.

'Nothing will stop you, will it?'

'Have you found Lord Vetinari's dog?'