The Truth (Discworld 25)

The vampire emerged to waist height. He was holding a half-dismantled iconograph in his hand.

'Vot can I do for you?'

'Can you think of anything extra we can do to sell more papers?'

'Vot do you vant now? Pictures that jump out of zer page? Pictures zat talk? Pictures vhere zer eyes follow you around zer room?'

There's no need to take offence,' said William. 'It wasn't as if I asked for colour or anything--'

'Colour?' said the vampire. 'Is that all? Colour iss easy-peasy. How soon do you vant it?'

'Can't be done,' said Goodmountain firmly.

'Oh, zo you say? Is there somevhere here that makes coloured glass?'

'Yeah, I know the dwarf who runs the stained-glass works in Phedre Road,' said Goodmountain. 'They do hundreds of shades, but--'

'I vish to see samples right now. And of inks, too. You can get coloured inks alzo?'

'That's easy,' said the dwarf, 'but you'd need hundreds of different ones... wouldn't you?'

'No, ziss is not so. I vill make you a list of vot I reqvire. I cannot promise a Burleigh & Ztronginzerarm job first cat out of zer bag, off course. I mean you should not ask me for zer subtle play of light on autumn leafs or anyzing like zat. But zomething with stronk shades should be fine. Zis vill be okay?'

'It'd be amazing.'

'Zank you.'

William stood up. 'And now,' he said, 'let's go and see the King of the Golden River.'

'I've always been puzzled why people call him that,' said Sacharissa. 'I mean, there's no river of gold around here, is there?'

'Gentlemen.'

Mr Slant was waiting in the hall of the empty house. He stood up when the New Firm entered and clutched his briefcase. He looked as if he was in an unusually bad temper.

'Where have you been?'

'Getting a bite, Mr Slant. You didn't turn up this morning, and Mr Tulip gets hungry.'

'I told you to maintain a very low profile.'

'Mr Tulip isn't good at low profiles. Anyway, it all went off well. You must have heard. Oh, we nearly got killed because you didn't tell us a lot of stuff, and that's going to cost you but, hey, who cares about us? What's the problem?'

Mr Slant glared at them. 'My time is valuable, Mr Pin. So I will not spin this out. What did you do with the dog?'

'No one said anything to us about that dog,' said Mr Tulip, and Mr Pin knew he'd got the tone wrong.

'Ah, so you encountered the dog,' said Mr Slant. 'Where is it?'

'Gone. Ran off. Bit our --ing legs and ran off.'

Mr Slant sighed. It was like the wind from an ancient tomb.

'I did tell you that the Watch has a werewolf on the staff,' he said.

'Well? So what?' said Mr Pin.

'A werewolf would have no difficulty in talking to a dog.'