The Truth (Discworld 25)

'Sometimes.'

'Ah. Well, we know about gratitude, too. But our way means the couple start their new lives in a state of... g'daraka... er, free, unencumbered, new dwarfs. Then their parents might well give them a huge wedding present, much bigger than the dowry. But it is between dwarf and dwarf, out of love and respect, not between debtor and creditor... though I have to say these human words are not really the best way of describing it. It works for us. It's worked for a thousand years.'

'I suppose to a human it sounds a bit... chilly,' said William.

Goodmountain gave him another studied look.

'You mean by comparison to the warm and wonderful ways humans conduct their affairs?' he said. 'You don't have to answer that one. Anyway, me and Boddony want to open up a mine together, and we're expensive dwarfs. We know how to work lead, so we thought a year or two of this would see us right.'

'You're getting married?'

'We want to,' said Goodmountain.

'Oh... well, congratulations,' said William. He knew enough not to comment on the fact that both dwarfs looked like small barbarian warriors with long beards. All traditional dwarfs looked like that.*

Goodmountain grinned. 'Don't worry too much about your father, lad. People change. My grandmother used to think humans were sort of hairless bears. She doesn't any more.'

'What changed her mind?'

'I reckon it was the dying that did it.'

Goodmountain stood up and patted William on the shoulder. 'Come on, let's get the paper finished. We'll start the run when the lads wake up.'

Breakfast was cooking when William got back, and Mrs Arcanum was waiting. Her mouth was set in the firm line of someone hot on the trail of unrespectable behaviour.

'I shall require an explanation of last night's affair,' she said,

* Most dwarfs were still referred to as 'he' as well, even when they were getting married. It was generally assumed that somewhere under all that chain mail one of them was female and that both of them knew which one this was. But the whole subject of sex was one that traditionally minded dwarfs did not discuss, perhaps out of modesty, possibly because it didn't interest them very much and certainly because they took the view that what two dwarfs decided to do together was entirely their own business. confronting him in the hallway, 'and a week's notice, if you please.'

William was too exhausted to lie. I wanted to see how much seventy thousand dollars weighed,' he said.

Muscles moved in various areas of the landlady's face. She knew William's background, being the kind of woman who finds out about that kind of thing very quickly, and the twitching was a sign of some internal struggle based around the definite fact that seventy thousand dollars was a respectable sum.

'I may perhaps have been a little hasty,' she ventured. 'Did you find out how much the money weighed?'

'Yes, thank you.'

'Would you like to keep the scales for a few days in case you want to weigh any more?'

'I think I've finished the weighing, Mrs Arcanum, but thank you all the same.'

'Breakfast has already begun, Mr de Worde, but... well, perhaps I can make allowances this time.'

He was given a second boiled egg, too. This was a rare sign of favour.

The latest news was already the subject of deep discussion.

'I am frankly amazed,' said Mr Cartwright. 'It beats me how they find this stuff out.'

'It certainly makes you wonder what's going on that we aren't told,' said Mr Windling.

William listened for a while, until he couldn't wait any longer.

'Something interesting in the paper?' he asked innocently.

'A woman in Kicklebury Street says her husband has been kidnapped by elves,' said Mr Mackleduff, holding up the Inquirer. The heading was very clear on the subject:

ELVES STOLE MY HUSBAND!