The Truth (Discworld 25)

William barely had time to undress and lie down before it was time to get up again. He washed as best he could, changed his shirt and went cautiously down to breakfast. He was in fact the first at the table.

There was the usual stolid silence as the other guests gathered. Most of Mrs Arcanum's boarders didn't bother to talk unless they had something to say. But when Mr Mackleduff sat down he pulled out a copy of the Times from his pocket.

'Couldn't get the paper,' said Mr Mackleduff, shaking it open. 'So I got the other one,'

William coughed. 'Anything much in it?' he said. He could see his headline from where he sat, in huge bold caps:

DOG BITES MAN!

He'd made it news.

'Oh... Lord Vetinari got away with it,' said Mr Mackleduff.

'Well, of course he would,' said Mr Prone. 'Very clever man, whatever they say,'

'And his dog's all right,' said Mr Mackleduff. William wanted to shake the man for reading so slowly.

'That's nice,' said Mrs Arcanum, pouring out the tea.

'Is that it?' said William.

'Oh, there's a lot of political stuff,' said Mr Mackleduff. 'It's all a bit far-fetched.'

'Any good vegetables today?' said Mr Cartwright.

Mr Mackleduff carefully inspected the other pages.

'No,' he said.

'My firm are thinking of approaching that man to see if he'd let us sell his seeds for him,' Mr Cartwright went on. 'It's just the sort of thing people like,' He caught Mrs Arcanum's eye. 'Only those vegetables suitable for a family environment, of course,' he added quickly.

'Aye, it does you good to laugh,' said Mr Mackleduff solemnly.

It crossed William's mind to wonder if Mr Wintler could grow an obscene pea. But of course he could.

'I would have thought it's quite important,' he said, 'if Lord Vetinari isn't guilty,'

'Oh, yes, I daresay, to them as has to deal with these things,' said Mr Mackleduff. 'I don't quite see where we come into it, though.'

'But surely--' William began.

Mrs Arcanum patted her hair. 'I've always thought Lord Vetinari was a most handsome man,' she said, and then looked flustered when they all stared at her. 'I meant, I'm just a little surprised there isn't a Lady Vetinari. As it were. Ahem.'

'Oh well, you know what they say,' said Mr Windling.

A pair of arms shot out across the table, grabbed the surprised man by the lapels and pulled him up so that his face was a few inches from William's.

7 don't know what they say, Mr Windling!' he shouted. 'But you know what they say, Mr Windling! Why don't you tell us what they say, Mr Windling! Why don't you tell us who told you, Mr Windling?'

'Mr de Worde! Really!' said Mrs Arcanum. Mr Prone pulled the toast out of the way.

I'm very sorry about this, Mrs Arcanum,' said William, still holding the struggling man, 'but I want to know what everyone knows and I want to know how they know it. Mr Windling?'

They say he's got some sort of a lady friend who's very important in Uberwald,' said Mr Windling. 'And I'll thank you to let go of me!'

'And that's it? What's so sinister about that? It's a friendly country!'

'Yes, but, yes, but they say--'