'But surely you charge money?'
'Yes, but--'
'Oh, I see. You meant you should be free to print what you like?'
There was no escape. 'Well... broadly, yes, sir.'
'Because that's in the, what was the other interesting term? Ah, yes... the public interest?' Lord Vetinari picked up a piece of type and inspected it carefully.
'I think so, sir.'
'These stories about man-eating goldfish and people's husbands disappearing in big silver dishes?'
'No, sir. That's what the public is interested in. We do the other stuff, sir.'
'Amusingly shaped vegetables?'
'Well, a bit of that, sir. Sacharissa calls them human interest stories.'
'About vegetables and animals?'
'Yes, sir. But at least they're real vegetables and animals.'
'So... we have what the people are interested in, and human interest stories, which is what humans are interested in, and the public interest, which no one is interested in.'
'Except the public, sir,' said William, trying to keep up.
'Which isn't the same as people and humans?'
'I think it's more complicated than that, sir.'
'Obviously. Do you mean that the public is a different thing from the people you just see walking about the place? The public thinks big, sensible, measured thoughts while people run around doing silly things?'
'I think so. I may have to work on that idea too, I admit.'
'Hmm. Interesting. 7 have certainly noticed that groups of clever and intelligent people are capable of really stupid ideas,' said Lord Vetinari. He gave William a look which said 'I can read your mind, even the small print', and then gazed around the press room again. 'Well, I can see you have an eventful future ahead of you, and I wouldn't wish to make it any more difficult than it is clearly going to be. I notice you have work going on... ?'
'We're putting up a semaphore post,' said Sacharissa proudly. 'We'll be able to get a clacks straight from the big trunk tower. And we're opening offices in Sto Lat and Pseudopolis!'
Lord Vetinari raised his eyebrows. 'My word,' he said. 'Many new deformed vegetables will become available. I shall look forward with interest to seeing them.'
William decided not to rise to this one.
'It amazes me how the news you have so neatly fits the space available,' Lord Vetinari went on, staring down at the page Boddony was working on. 'No little gaps anywhere. And every day something happens that is important enough to be at the top of the first page, too. How strange-- Oh, "receive" takes an e after the c...'
Boddony looked up. Lord Vetinari's cane swung around with a hiss and hovered in the middle of a densely packed column. The dwarf looked closer and nodded, and took out a small tool.
It's upside down to him, and back to front, thought William. And the word's in the middle of the text. And he spotted it.
Things that are back to front are often easier to comprehend if they are upside down as well,' said Lord Vetinari, tapping his chin with the silver knob of his cane in an absent-minded way. 'In life as in politics.'
'What have you done with Charlie?' said William.
Lord Vetinari looked at him in nothing but innocent surprise. 'Why, nothing. Should I have done something?'
'Have you locked him up,' said Sacharissa suspiciously, 'in a deep cell, and made him wear a mask all the time and have all his meals brought by a deaf and dumb jailer?'
'Er... no, I don't think so,' said Lord Vetinari, giving her a smile. 'Although it would make a very good story, I've no doubt. No, I understand he's enrolled in the Guild of Actors, though of course I realize that there are those who would consider a deep dungeon a preferred alternative. I foresee a happy career for him, nevertheless. Children's parties, and so on.'