Look at old Detritus, Vimes thought as he went down the stairs. Just your basic thick troll a few years ago, now a valuable member of the Watch provided you get him to repeat his orders back to you to make sure he understands you. His armour gleams even brighter than Carrot's because he doesn't get bored with polishing. And he's mastered policing as it is practised by the majority of forces in the universe, which is, basically, screaming angrily at people until they give in. The only reason that he's not a one-troll reign of terror is the ease with which his thought processes can be derailed by anyone who tries something fiendishly cunning, like an outright denial.
'I know you all done it!' he was shouting. 'If the person wot done it does not own up der whole staff, an' I means this, der whole staff will be locked up in der Tanty also we throws der key away!' He pointed a finger at a stout scullerymaid. 'It was you wot done it, own up!'
'No.'
Detritus paused. Then: 'Where was you last night? Own up!'
'In bed, of course!'
'Aha, dat a likely story, own up, dat where you always is at night?'
'Of course.'
'Aha, own up, you got witnesses?'
'Sauce!'
'Ah, so you got no witnesses, you done it then, own up!'
'No!'
'Oh...'
'All right, all right. Thank you, Sergeant. That will be all for now,' said Vimes, patting him on the shoulder. 'Are all the staff here?'
He glared at the line-up: 'Well? Are you all here?'
There was a certain amount of reluctant shuffling among the ranks, and then someone cautiously put up a hand.
'Mildred Easy hasn't been seen since yesterday,' said its owner. 'She's the upstairs maid. A boy come with a message. She had to go off to see her family.'
Vimes felt the faintest of prickles on the back of his neck. 'Anyone know why?' he said.
'Dunno, sir. She left all her stuff.'
'All right. Sergeant, before you go off shift, get someone to find her. Then go and get some sleep.
The rest of you, go and get on with whatever it is you do. Ah ... Mr Drumknott?'
The Patrician's personal clerk, who'd been watching Detritus's technique with a horrified expression, looked up at him. 'Yes, Commander?'
'What's this book? Is it his lordship's diary?'
Drumknott took the book. 'It looks like it, certainly.'
'Have you been able to crack the code?'
'I didn't know it was in code, Commander.'
'What? You've never looked at it?'
'Why should I, sir? It's not mine.'
'You do know his last secretary tried to kill him?'
'Yes, sir. I ought to say, sir, that I have already been exhaustively interrogated by your men.' Drumknott opened the book and raised his eyebrows.
'What did they say?' said Vimes.