A moment later, there was the faint scrape of the bolts.
'Right,' said Vimes. 'Let's start again.' He picked up an imaginary ladle.
'I'm the cook. I've made this nourishing gruel that tastes like dog's water. I'm filling up three bowls. Everyone's watching me. All the bowls have been well washed, right? Okay. The tasters take two, one to taste, and these days the other's for Littlebottom to check, and then a servant - that's you, Carrot - takes the third one and...'
'Puts it in the dumbwaiter, sir. There's one up to every room.'
'I thought they carried them up?'
'Six floors? It'd get stone-cold, sir.'
'All right... hold on. We've gone too far. You've got the bowl. D'you put it on a tray?'
'Yes, sir.'
'Put it on a tray, then.'
Carrot obediently put the invisible bowl on an invisible tray.
'Anything else?' said Vimes.
'Piece of bread, sir. And we check the loaf.'
'Soup spoon?'
'Yes, sir.'
'Well, don't just stand there. Put them on...'
Carrot detached one hand from the invisible tray to take an invisible piece of bread and an intangible spoon.
'Anything else?' said Vimes. 'Salt and pepper?'
'I think I remember salt and pepper pots, sir.'
'On they go, then.'
Vimes stared hawk-like at the space between Carrot's hands.
'No,' he said. 'We wouldn't have missed that, would we? I mean... we wouldn't, would we?'
He reached out and picked up an invisible tube.
'Tell me we checked the salt,' he said.
'That's the pepper, sir,' said Carrot helpfully.
'Salt! Mustard! Vinegar! Pepper!' said Vimes. 'We didn't check all the food and then let his lordship tip poison on to suit his taste, did we? Arsenic's a metal. Can't you get ... metal salts? Tell me we asked ourselves that. We aren't that stupid, are we?'
'I'll check directly,' said Carrot. He looked around desperately. 'I'll just put the tray down - '
'Not yet,' said Vimes. 'I've been here before. We don't rush off shouting Give me a towel! just because we've had one idea. Let's keep looking, shall we? The spoon. What's it made of?'
'Good point. I'll check the cutlery, sir.'
'Now we're cooking with charcoal! What's he been drinking?'
'Boiled water, sir. We've tested the water. And I checked the glasses.'