Sergeant Colon rolled his eyes.
'Yes,' said Dorfl.
'Oh, my god!' said Constable Visit, and burst into tears. 'No one's ever asked for more pamphlets before!'
Colon turned when he realized Vimes was watching. 'It's no good, sir,' he said. 'I've been trying to swear him in for half an hour, sir, and we keep ending up arguing about oaths and things.'
'You willing to be a Watchman, Dorfl?' said Vimes.
'Yes.'
'Right. That's as good as a swear to me. Give him his badge, Fred. And this is for you, Dorfl. It's a chit to say you're officially alive, just in case you run into any trouble. You know... with people.'
Thank You,' said Dorfl solemnly. 'If Ever I Feel I Am Not Alive, I Will Take This Out And Read It.'
'What are your duties?' said Vimes.
'To Serve The Public Trust, Protect The Innocent, And Seriously Prod Buttock, Sir,' said Dorfl.
'He learns fast, doesn't he?' said Colon. 'I didn't even tell him the last one.'
'People won't like it,' said Nobby. S not going to be popular, a golem as a watchman.'
'What Better Work For One Who Loves Freedom Than The Job of Watchman. Law Is The Servant of Freedom. Freedom Without Limits Is Just A Word,' said Dorfl ponderously.
'Y'know,' said Colon, 'if it doesn't work out, you could always get ajob making fortune cookies.'
'Funny thing, that,' said Nobby. 'You never get bad fortunes in cookies, ever noticed that? They never say stuff like: Oh dear, things're going to be really bad. I mean, they're never misfortune cookies.'
Vimes lit a cigar and shook the match to put it out. 'That, Corporal, is because of one of the fundamental driving forces of the universe.'
'What? Like, people who read fortune cookies are the lucky ones?' said Nobby.
'No. Because people who sell fortune cookies want to go on selling them. Come on, Constable Dorfl. We're going for a walk.'
'There's a lot of paperwork, sir,' said Sergeant Colon.
'Tell Captain Carrot I said he should look at it,' said Vimes, from the doorway.
'He hasn't been in yet, sir.'
'It'll keep.'
'Right, sir.'
Colon went and sat behind his desk. It was a good place to be, he'd decided. There was absolutely no chance of finding any Nature there. He'd had a rare conversation with Mrs Colon this morning and made it clear that he was no longer interested in getting close to the soil because he'd been as close to the soil as it was possible to get and the soil, it turned out, was just dirt. A good thick layer of cobblestones was, he decided, about as close as he wanted to get to Nature. Also, Nature tended to be squishy.
'I've got to go on duty,' said Nobby. 'Captain Carrot wants me to do crime prevention in Peach Pie Street.'
'How d'you do that, then?' said Colon.
'Keep away, he said.'
Ere, Nobby, woss this about you not being a lord after all?' said Colon cautiously.
'I think I got the sack,' said Nobby. 'Bit of a relief, really. That nobby grub isn't much, and the drink is frankly piss.'
'Lucky escape for you, then,' said Colon. 'I mean, you won't have to go giving your clothes away to gardeners and so on.'