'... and I have found the bronze sculpture of a butterfly that flaps its wings when you breathe on it...'
'That's two.'
'There's the surprising way those little daisies spray you with venomous pollen...'
'Ah, yes. Many people find them extremely surprising.'
'And I believe the fourth surprise is the yodelling stick insect.'
'Well done,' said Lu- Tze, beaming. 'It's very good, isn't it?'
'But I can't find the fifth surprise.'
'Really? Let me know when you find it,' said Lu-Tze. Lobsang Ludd thought about this as he trailed after the sweeper. 'The Garden of Five Surprises is a test,' he said, at last. 'Oh, yes. Nearly everything is.' Lobsang nodded. It was like the Garden of the Four Elements. Every novice found the bronze symbols of three of them - in the carp pond, under a rock, painted on a kite - but none of Lobsang's classmates found Fire. There didn't appear to be a fire anywhere in the garden. After a while Lobsang had reasoned thus: there were in fact five elements, as they had been taught. Four made up the universe, and the fifth, Surprise, allowed it to keep on happening. No one had said that the four in the garden were the material four, so the fourth element in the Garden could be Surprise at the fact that Fire wasn't there. Besides, fire was not generally found in a garden, and the other signs were, truly, in their element. So he'd gone down to the bakeries and opened one of the ovens, and there, glowing red hot below the loaves, was Fire. 'Then... I expect that the fifth surprise is: there is no fifth surprise,' he said. 'Nice try, but no cylindrical smoking thing,' said Lu- Tze. 'And is it not written, “Oo, you are so sharp you'll cut yourself one of these days”?'
'Um, I haven't read that in the sacred texts yet, Sweeper,' said Lobsang uncertainly. 'No, you wouldn't have,' said Lu-Tze. They stepped out of the brittle sunlight into the deep cold of the temple, and walked on through ancient halls and down stairways cut into the rock. The sound of distant chanting followed them. Lu-Tze, who was not holy and therefore could think unholy thoughts, occasionally wondered whether the chanting monks were chanting anything, or were just going 'aahaaahahah'. You could never tell with all that echo.
He turned off the main passage and reached for the handles of a pair of large, red-lacquered doors. Then he looked behind him. Lobsang had stopped dead, some yards away. 'Coming?'
'But not even dongs are allowed in there!' said Lobsang. 'You have to be a Third Djim ting at least!'
'Yeah, right. It's a short-cut. Come on, it's draughty out here.' With extreme reluctance, expecting at any moment the outraged scream of authority, Lobsang trailed after the sweeper. And he was just a sweeper! One of the people who swept the floors and washed the clothes and cleaned the privies! No one had ever mentioned it! Novices heard about Lu-Tze from their very first day - how he'd gone into some of the most tangled knots of time and unravelled them, how he'd constantly dodged the traffic on the crossroads of history, how he could divert time with a word and used this to develop the most subtle arts of battle... ... and here was a skinny little man who was sort of generically ethnic, so that he looked as if he could have come from anywhere, in a robe that had once been white before it fell to all those stains and patches, and the sandals repaired with string. And the friendly grin, as if he was constantly waiting for something amusing to happen. And no belt at all, just another piece of string to hold his robe closed. Even some novices got to the level of grey dong in their first year! The dojo was busy with senior monks at practice. Lobsang had to dodge aside as a pair of fighters whirled past, arms and legs blurring as each sought an opening, paring time into thinner and thinner slivers- 'You! Sweeper!' Lobsang looked round, but the shout had been directed at Lu-Tze. A ting, only just elevated to the Third Djim by the fresh look of his belt, was advancing on the little man, his face red with fury. 'What for are you coming in here, cleaner of filth? This is forbidden!' Lu-Tze's little smile didn't change. But he reached in his robe and brought out a small bag. '
's a short-cut,' he said. He pulled a pinch of tobacco and, while the ting loomed over him, began to roll a cigarette. 'And there's dirt everywhere, too. I'll certainly have a word with the man who does this floor.'
'How dare you insult!' screamed the monk. 'Back to the kitchens with you, sweeper!' Cowering behind Lu-Tze, Lobsang realized that the entire dojo had stopped to watch this. One or two of the monks were whispering to one another. The man in the brown robe of the dojo master was watching impassively from his chair, with his chin on his hand. With great and patient and infuriating delicacy, like a samurai arranging flowers, Lu-Tze marshalled the shreds of tobacco in the flimsy cigarette paper.
'No, I reckon I'll go out of that door over there, if you don't mind,' he said. 'Impudence! Then you are ready to fight, enemy of dust?' The man leapt back and raised his hands to form the Combat of the Hake. He spun round and planted a kick on a heavy leather sack, hitting it so hard that its supporting chain broke. Then he was back to face Lu-Tze, hands held in the Advancement of the Snake. 'Ai! Shao! Hai-eee-' he began. The dojo master stood up. 'Hold!' he commanded. 'Do you not want to know the name of the man you are about to destroy?' The fighter held his stance, glaring at Lu-Tze. 'I don't need to know name of sweeper,' he said. Lu-Tze rolled the cigarette into a skinny cylinder and winked at the angry man, which only stoked the anger. 'It is always wise to know the name of a sweeper, boy,' said the dojo master. 'And my question was not addressed to you.' Tick Jeremy stared at his bed sheets. They were covered in writing. His own writing. It trailed across the pillow and onto the wall. There were sketches, too, scored deeply into the plaster. He found his pencil under the bed. He'd even sharpened it. In his sleep, he'd sharpened a pencil! And by the look of it he'd been writing and drawing for hours. Trying to draw a dream. With, down one side of his eiderdown, a list of parts. It had all made absolute sense when he'd seen it, like a hammer or a stick or Wheelbright's Gravity Escapement. It had been like meeting an old friend. And now... He stared at the scrawled lines. He had been writing so fast he'd ignored punctuation and some of the letters, too. But he could see some sense in there. He'd heard of this sort of thing. Great inventions sometimes did arise from dreams and daydreams. Didn't Hepzibah Whitlow have the idea of the adjustable pendulum clock as a result of his work as the public hangman? Didn't Wilframe Balderton always say that the idea for the Fish Tail Escapement came after he'd eaten too much lobster? Yes, it had all been so clear in the dream. By daylight, it needed a bit more work. There was a clatter of dishes from the little kitchen behind his workshop. He hurried down, dragging the sheet behind him.
'I usually have-' he began. 'Toatht, thur,' said Igor, turning away from the range. 'Lightly browned, I thuthpect.'
'How did you know that?'
'An Igor learnth to antithipate, thur,' said Igor. 'What a wonderful little kitchen, thur. I've never theen a drawer marked 'Thpoonth' which jutht hath thpoonth in it.'
'Are you any good at working with glass, Igor?' said Jeremy, ignoring this. 'No, thur,' said Igor, buttering the toast. 'You're not?'
'No, thur. I am bloody amathing at it, thur. Many marthterth have needed... thpethial apparatuth not obtainable elthewhere, thur. What wath it you wanted?'
'How would we go about building this?' Jeremy spread the sheet on the table. The slice of toast dropped from Igors black-nailed fingers. 'Is there something wrong?' said Jeremy. 'I thought thomeone wath walking over my grave, thur,' said Igor, still looking shocked. 'Er, you haven't actually ever had a grave, have you?' said Jeremy. 'Jutht a figure of thpeech, thur, jutht a figure of thpeech,' said Igor, looking hurt. 'This is an idea I've ...I've had for a clock...'
'The Glath Clock,' said Igor. 'Yeth. I know about it. My grandfather Igor helped build the firtht one.'
'The first one? But it's just a story for children! And I dreamed about it, and-'
'Grandfather Igor alwayth thaid there wath thomething very thtrange about all that,' said Igor. 'The ecthplothion and everything.'
'It exploded? Because of the metal spring?'
'Not ecthactly an ecthplothion,' said Igor. 'We're no thtrangerth to ecthplothionth, uth Igorth. It wath ... very odd. And we're no thtrangerth to odd, either.'
'Are you telling me it really existed?' Igor seemed embarrassed about this. 'Yeth,' he said, 'and then again, no.'
'Things either exist or they don't,' said Jeremy. 'I am very clear about that. I have medicine.'
'It ecthithted,' said Igor, 'and then, after it did, it never had. Thith ith what my grandfather told me, and he built that clock with thethe very handth!' Jeremy looked down. Igor's hands were gnarled, and, now he came to look at them, had a lot of scar tissue around the wrists. 'We really believe in heirloomth in our family,' said Igor, catching his gaze. 'Sort of... hand-me-downs, ahahaha,' said Jeremy. He wondered where his medicine was. 'Very droll, thur,' said Igor. 'But Grandfather Igor alwayth thaid that afterwardth it wath like... a dream, thur.'
'A dream...'