The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents (Discworld 28)

'What's that?'

'It makes you… go.'

'Go where?'

'Not where, stupid. You just… go. I don't particularly want to draw you a picture.'

'Oh. You mean… go.'

'That's right.'

'And you just happened to have it on you?'

'Yes. Of course. It was in the big medicine bag.'

'You mean you take something like that out just for something like this?'

'Of course. It could easily be necessary.'

'How?' said Keith, climbing the ladder. 'Well, supposing we were kidnapped? Suppose we ended up at sea? Supposing we were captured by pirates? Pirates have a very monotonous diet, which might be why they're angry all the time. Or supposing we escaped and swam ashore and ended up on an island where there's nothing but coconuts? They have a very binding effect.'

'Yes, but… but… anything can happen! If you think like that, you'd end up taking just about everything in case of

anything!'

'That's why it's such a big bag,' said Malicia calmly, pulling herself through the trapdoor and dusting herself off. Keith sighed. 'How much did you give them?'

'Lots. But they should be all right if they don't take too much of the antidote.'

'What did you give them for the antidote?'

'Cascara.'

'Malicia, you are not a nice person.'

'Really? You wanted to poison them with the real poison, and you were getting very imaginative with all that stuff about their stomachs melting.'

'Yes, but rats are my friends. Some of the poisons really do that. And… sort of… making the antidote more of the poison-'

'It's not a poison. It's a medicine. They'll feel lovely and clean afterwards.'

'All right, all right. But… giving it to them as the antidote as well, that's a bit… a bit…'

'Clever? Narratively satisfying?' said Malicia. 'I suppose so,' Keith admitted reluctantly. Malicia looked around. 'Where's your cat? I thought he was following us.'

'Sometimes he just wanders off. And he's not my cat.'

'Yes, you're his boy. But a young man with a smart cat can go a long way, you know.'

'How?'

'There was Puss in Boots, obviously,' said Malicia, 'and of course everyone knows about Dick Livingstone and his wonderful cat, don't they?'

'I don't,' said Keith. 'It's a very famous story!'

'Sorry. I haven't been able to read for very long.'

'Really? Well, Dick Livingstone was a penniless boy who became Lord Mayor of Ubergurgl because his cat was so good at catching… er… pigeons. The town was overrun with… pigeons, yes, and in fact later on he even married a sultan's daughter because his cat cleared all the… pigeons out of her father's royal palace-'