Thud! (Discworld 34)

"Actually it mostly says "Copers are Barstuds" on the door at the

moment, but I"ve got someone scrubbing it off," said Carrot. "And

"That means if anyone gets murdered, we"re responsible," said

Vimes.

"I know what you mean, sir," said Carrot carefully. "Does Vetinari know?"

"I can"t imagine that he doesn"t."

"Me neither." Vimes thought for a moment. "What about the

Times? There"s plenty of dwarfs working there.

"I"d be surprised if they passed it on to humans, sir. I only got to

hear about it because I"m a dwarf and Ringfounder really wants

to make sergeant and frankly I overheard them, but I doubt if the

printing dwarfs would mention it to the editor."

"Are you telling me, captain, that dwarfs in the Watch would keep

a murder secret?"

Carrot looked shocked. "Oh no, sir!" "Good!

"They"d just keep it secret from humans. Sorry, sir.

The important thing is not to shout at this point, Vimes told

himself. Do not ... what do they call it ... go spare? Treat this as a

learning exercise. Find out why the world is not as you thought it

was. Assemble the facts, digest the information, consider the implications. Then go spare. But with precision.

"Dwarfs have always been law-abiding citizens, captain," he said. "They even pay their taxes. Suddenly they think it"s okay not to report a possible murder?"

Carrot could see the steely glint in Vimes"s eyes. "Well, the fact is-"he began.

"Yes?"

"You see, Hamcrusher is a deep-down dwarf, sir. I mean really deep down. Hates coming to the surface. They say he lives at subsub-basement level. .."

"I know all that. So?"

"So how far down does our jurisdiction go, sir?" said Carrot. "What? As far down as we like!"

"Er, does it say that anywhere, sir? Most of the dwarfs here are from Copperhead and Llamedos and Uberwald," said Carrot. "Those places have surface laws and underground laws. I know it"s not the same here but ... well, it"s how they see the world. And of course Hamcrusher"s dwarfs are all deep-downers, and you know how ordinary dwarfs think about them."

They come bloody close to worshipping them, Vimes thought, pinching the bridge of his nose and shutting his eyes. It just gets worse and worse.

"All right," he said. "But this is Ankh-Morpork and we have our own laws. There can be no harm in us just checking up on the health of brother Hamcrusher, can there? We can knock on the door, can"t we? Say we"ve got good reason to ask? I know it"s only a rumour, but if enough people believe a rumour like that we will not be able to keep a lid on it."

"Good idea, sir."