Thud! (Discworld 34)

"They chased you? But you"re a magical creature, aren"t you?" said Vimes.

"They don"t know that!" said the imp. "Now, what was it ... Oh,

yes. You asked me about the night-soil removal. Over the past three

months the extra honey-wagon load has averaged forty tons a

night."

"Forty tons? That"d fill a big room! Why didn"t we know about it?" "You did, Insert Name Here!" said the imp. "But they were leaving

from every gate, you see, and probably no guard ever spotted more

than one or two extra carts."

"Yes, but they turned in reports every night! Why didn"t we spot

it?"

There was an awkward pause. The imp coughed. "Um, no one

reads the reports, Insert Name Here. They appear to be what we in

the trade call write-only documents."

"Wasn"t anyone supposed to be reading them?" Vimes demanded. There was another thundering silence.

"I rather think you were, dear," said Sybil, paying attention to her

darning.

"But I"m in charge!" Vimes protested. "Yes, dear. That"s the point, really.,

"But I can"t spend all my time shuffling bits of paper!" "Then get someone else to do it, dear," said Sybil. "Can I do that?" said Vimes. "Yes, sir," said Carrot. "You"re in charge."

Vimes looked at the imp, which gave him a willing grin. "Can you go through all of my in-tray-" ". floor.. :murmured Sybil. "-and tell me what"s important?"

"Happy to, Insert Name Here! Only one question, Insert Name

Here. What is important?"

"Well, the fact that the dunnikin divers are carting a whole lot

more muck out of the city is pretty damn important, don"t you

think?"

"I wouldn"t know, Insert Name Here," said the imp. "I do not, in

fact, think as such. But I surmise that, if I had drawn your attention to such a fact a month ago you would have told me to stick my head up a duck"s bottom."

"That"s true," said Vimes, nodding. "I probably would. Captain Carrot?"

"Sir!" said Carrot, sitting up straight.

"What"s the situation on the street?"

"Well, troll gangs have been wandering around the city all day. Dwarfs, too. Now a lot of the dwarfs are hanging around in Sator Square, sir, and a fair number of trolls are congregating in the Plaza of Broken Moons."