Thud! (Discworld 34) - Page 124

think?"

"I wouldn"t know, Insert Name Here," said the imp. "I do not, in

fact, think as such. But I surmise that, if I had drawn your attention to such a fact a month ago you would have told me to stick my head up a duck"s bottom."

"That"s true," said Vimes, nodding. "I probably would. Captain Carrot?"

"Sir!" said Carrot, sitting up straight.

"What"s the situation on the street?"

"Well, troll gangs have been wandering around the city all day. Dwarfs, too. Now a lot of the dwarfs are hanging around in Sator Square, sir, and a fair number of trolls are congregating in the Plaza of Broken Moons."

"How many are we talking about here?" said Vimes.

"About a thousand, all told. They"ve been drinking, of course." "Just in the mood for a fight, then."

"Yes, sir. Just drunk enough to be stupid but too sober to fall over," said Carrot.

"Interesting observation, captain," said Vimes thoughtfully.

"Yes, sir. The word is that they"ll start at nine. Arrangements have been made, I gather."

"Then I think before it gets dark there should be a load of coppers in the Cham, right between them, don"t you?" said Vimes. "Get the word out to the Watch Houses."

"I"ve done that, sir," said Carrot.

"And get some barricades sorted out."

"All arranged, sir."

"And call out the Specials?"

"I put the word out an hour ago, sir."

Vimes hesitated. "I"ve got to be there, captain."

"We should have enough men, sir," said Carrot.

"But you won"t have enough commander," said Vimes. "If Vetinari hauls me over the coals tomorrow because there was a major riot in the city centre, I don"t want to tell him I was having a quiet evening at home." He turned to his wife. "Sorry, Sybil."

Lady Sybil sighed. "I think I shall have to have a word with Havelock about the hours he makes you keep," she said. "It"s not doing you any good, you know."

"It"s the job, dear. Sorry."

"It"s just as well I got the cook to make up a flask of soup, then."

"You did?"

"Of course. I know you, Sam. And there"s some sandwiches in a bag. Captain Carrot, you are to make sure he eats the apple and the banana. Dr Lawn says he must eat at least five pieces of fruit or vegetable every day!"

Vimes stared woodenly at Carrot and Sally, trying to project the warning that the first officer to crack a smile or even mention this to anyone, ever, ever, ever, would have a very hard time of it indeed.

"And, incidentally, tomato ketchup is not a vegetable," Sybil added. "Not even the dried stuff round the top of the bottle. Well, what are you all waiting around for?"

"There is something I didn"t want to mention in front of her ladyship," said Carrot, as they hurried down to the Yard. "Er, Hitherto is dead, sir."

"Who"s Hitherto?"

Tags: Terry Pratchett Discworld Fantasy
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