Thud! (Discworld 34)

he really needed it. Rain tended to dampen martial enthusiasm. "Anyone seen Nobby?" he said.

A voice from the shadows said: "Here, Mister Vimes! Been here

five minutes!"

"Why didn"t you sing out, then?"

"Couldn"t remember the password, sir! I thought I"d wait till I heard Igor say it!"

"Oh, come on in. Did it work?"

"Better"n you"d imagine, sir!" said Nobby, rain pouring down his cloak.

Vimes stood back. "Okay, lads, then this is it. Carrot and Cheery, you head for the dwarfs, me and Detritus will take the trolls. You know the drill. Lines to advance slowly, and no edged weapons. I repeat, no edged weapons until it"s that or die. Let"s do this like coppers, okay? On the signal!"

He hurried back up the line of barricades as fast as the stir ran along the ranks of the watchmen. Detritus was waiting stoically. He grunted when Vimes arrived.

"Clubs have jus" about stopped, sir," he reported.

"I heard, sergeant." Vimes took off his oiled leather cloak and

hung it on the barricade. He needed his arms free.

"By the way, how did it go in Turn Again Lane?" he said, stretch

ing and breathing deeply.

"Oh, wonnerful, sir," said Detritus happily. "Six alchemists an" fifty pound o" fresh Slide. In an" out, quick an" sweet, all banged up in the Tanty."

"Didn"t know what"d hit "em, eh?" said Vimes.

Detritus looked mildly offended at this. "Oh no, sir," he said, "I made sure they knew I hit "em."

And then Vimes spotted Mr Pessimal, still where he had left him, his face a pale disc in shadows. Well, enough of that game. Maybe the little tit would have learned something, standing here in the rain, waiting to be caught between a couple of screaming mobs. Maybe he"d had time to wonder what it was like to spend your life going through moments like that. A bit harder than pushing paper, eh?

"If I was you, I"d just wait here, Mr Pessimal," he said, as kindly as he could manage. "This might be a bit rough in parts."

"No, commander," said A. E. Pessimal, looking up.

"What?"

"I have been paying attention to what has been said, and intend to face the foe, commander," said A. E. Pessimal.

"Now see here, Mr Pessi- er, see here, A. E.," said Vimes, putting his hand on the little man"s shoulder. He stopped. A. E. Pessimal was trembling so much that his chain mail was faintly jingling. Vimes persevered. "Look, go on home, eh? This isn"t where you belong: He patted the shoulder a few times, totally nonplussed.

"Commander Vimes!" snapped the inspector.

"Er, yes?"

A. E. Pessimal turned up to Vimes a face wetter than the drizzle rightly accounted for. "I am an acting-constable, am I not?"

"Well, yes, I know I said that, but I did not expect you to take it seriously. .

"I am a serious man, Commander Vimes. And there is no place I would rather be now than here!" Acting-Constable Pessimal said, his teeth chattering. "And no time I"d rather be here than now! Let"s do this, shall we?"

Vimes looked at Detritus, who shrugged his massive shoulders. Something was happening here, in the mind of a little man whose back he could probably break with one hand.

"Oh, well, if you say so," he said hopelessly. "You heard the inspector, Sergeant Detritus. Let"s do this, shall we?"