"Dey go soggy if you dips "em in somefing," said Brick, as if undertaking a forensic examination.
"More likely to be biscuits, then?" Carrot suggested.
"Could be. Inna packet wi" all paper on. Yeah, biscuits."
"What I meant," said Carrot, "was: when we talk to you, do you want someone to be on your side?"
"Yes, please. Everyone," said Brick promptly. To be centre of attention in a roomful of watchmen was his worst nightmare. No, hold on, what about dat time when he had dat bad Slab wot had bin cut wi" ammonium nitrate? Whooo! Goodbye lobes! Yep! Den dis was his second worst nightmar- No, come to fink of it, dere was
dis time when he had dat stuff wot Hardcore jacked off"f One-Eyed Goddam, whee, yes! Who knows where dat had bin! All dem dancin" teef! So dis was his- Hey, wait, remember dat time you got lunched on Scrape an" your arms flew away? Okay, dat was bad, so maybe dis was his ... Wait, wait, of course, can"t be forgetting der day when you got baked on Sliver and blew powdered zinc up your nose an" thought you"d thrown up your feet? -Aargh, here come dat time again when you"d, aargh no, when you"d, aargh
Brick had got as far as his nineteenth worst nightmare before Carrot"s voice cut through the snakes.
"Mr Brick?"
"Er ... is dat still me?" said Brick nervously. He could really, really do some Slab right now ...
"Generally your advocate is one person," said Carrot. "We"re going to have to ask you some difficult questions. You"re allowed to have someone to help you. Perhaps you have a friend we could fetch?"
Brick pondered this. The only people he could think of in this context were Totally Slag and Big Marble, although more correctly they fell into the category of "people dat don"t fro fings at me much and let me glom a bit o" slab sometimes" Right now, these did not seem ideal qualifications.
He pointed to Sergeant Detritus. "Him," he said. "He helped me find my teef."
"I"m not sure a serving officer is-" Carrot began.
"I"ll volunteer for the role, captain," said a little voice. Carrot peered over the end of the desk.
"Mr Pessimal? I don"t think you should be out of bed."
"Uh ... I am in fact "acting lance-constable" captain," said
A. E. Pessimal, politely yet firmly. He was on crutches.
"Oh? Er ... right," said Carrot. "But I still think you shouldn"t be
out of bed."
"Nevertheless, justice must be served," said A. E. Pessimal.
Brick bent down and peered closely at the inspector. "It"s dat gnome from last night," he said. "Don"t want him!"
"You can"t think of anyone?" said Carrot.
Brick thought again, and at last brightened up. "Yeah, I can," he said. "Easy. Someone to help me answer der questions, right?"
"That"s right."
"Well, easy peas. If you can fetch that dwarf I saw down in dat new dwarf mine, he"d help me:
The room went deadly quiet.
"And why would he do that?" said Carrot carefully.
"He could tell you why he was hitting dat other dwarf onna head," said Brick. "I mean, I don"t know. But I "spect he won"t wanna come on account of me bein" a troll, so I"ll stick with the sergeant, if it"s all the same to you."
"I think this is going too far, captain!" said A. E. Pessimal.
In the silence that followed this, Carrot"s voice sounded very loud.