"So I understand. It may well be that this is one reason why he hasn"t yet chosen to declare himself," said Mr Shine. "But no matter. Well, I am the rightful - excuse me - and indisputable king of the trolls."
"Really?" said Vimes. It wasn"t much of a reply, but the options at this point were limited.
"Yes. And when I say indisputable, I mean what I say, Mister Vimes. Hidden human kings have to resort to magic swords or legendary feats to reclaim their birthright. I do not. I just have to be. You are aware of the concept of metamorphorical rock?"
"You mean the way trolls look like certain types of rock?"
"Indeed. Schist, Mica, Shale, and so on. Even Brick, poor young Brick. No one knows why this is, and they have expended thousands of words in saying so. Oh, to hell with it, as you would say. You deserve a glimpse. Protect your eyes. I, Mister Vimes-"
A black-robed arm was extended, a black velvet glove removed. Vimes shut his eyes in time, but the inside of the lids blazed red.
-am diamond," said Mr Shine.
The glare faded a little. Vimes risked opening his eyes a fraction, and made out a hand, every flexing finger sparkling like a prism. The players glanced up, but they"d seen this before.
"Frost forms quite quickly," said Mr Shine. When Vimes dared to peek, the hand glittered like the heart of winter.
"You"re hiding out from jewellers?" he managed, taken aback.
"Ha! In fact this city is indeed a very good place for people who don"t wish to be seen, Mister Vimes. I have friends here. And I have talents. You"d find me quite hard to see if I wished to be unseen. I am also, frankly, intelligent, and intelligent all the time. I don"t need the Pork Futures Warehouse. I can regulate the temperature of my brain by reflecting all heat. Diamond trolls are very rare, and when we do appear, kingship is our destiny."
Vimes waited. Mr Shine, who was now pulling his glove back on, appeared to have an agenda. The wisest thing was to let him talk until it all made sense.
"And do you know what happens when we become king?" said Mr Shine, now safely shrouded once more.
"Koom Valley?" Vimes suggested.
"Well done. The trolls unite, and we have the same tired old war, followed by centuries of skirmishing. That is the sad, stupid history of the trolls and the dwarfs. And this time, Ankh-Morpork will be caught up in it. You know that the troll and dwarf population here has grown enormously under Vetinari:
"All right, but if you"re king, can"t you just make peace?"
"Just like that? It"ll need much more than that." The hood of the robe shook sadly. "You really know very little about us, Mister Vimes. You see us down on the plains, shambling around talkin" like dis. You don"t know about the history chant, or the Long Dance, or
stone music. You see the hunched troll, dragging his club. That"s what the dwarfs did for us, long ago. They turned us, in your minds, into sad, brainless monsters."
"Don"t look at me when you say that," said Vimes. "Detritus is one of my best officers!"
There was silence. Then Mr Shine said, "Shall I tell you what I think the dwarfs were looking for, Mister Vimes? Something of theirs. It is a thing that talks. And they found it and I think what it had to say directly caused five deaths. I believe I know how to find the secret of Koom Valley. In a few weeks, everyone will be able to. But by then, I think, it will be too late. You must solve it too, before the war sweeps up all of us."
"How do you know all this?" said Vimes.
"Because I"m magical," said the voice from the hood.
"Oh, well, if that"s the way you"re-" Vimes began.
"Patience, commander," said Mr Shine. "I just ... simplified. Accept, instead, that I am very ... smart. I have an analytical mind. I"ve studied the histories and lore of my hereditary enemy. I have friends who are dwarfs. Quite knowledgeable dwarfs. Quite ... powerful dwarfs, who wish for an end to this stupid feud as much as I do. And I have a love of games and puzzles. The Codex was not a terrible challenge."
"If it"s going to help me find the murderers of those dwarfs in the mine then you should tell me what you know!"
"Why trust what I say? I am a troll, I"m partisan, I might wish to direct your thoughts down the wrong path."
"Maybe you have already!" said Vimes hotly. He knew he was making a fool of himself; it only made him angrier.
"Good, that"s the spirit!" said Mr Shine. "Test all that I"ve told you! Where would we be if Commander Vimes relied on magic, eh? No, the secret of Koom Valley must be found by observation and questioning and facts, facts, facts. Possibly I"m helping you find them a little quicker than you might otherwise do. You just have to
think about what you know, commander. And, in the meantime, shall we play a little game?"
Mr Shine picked up a box by his chair and upended it over the table.