Thud! (Discworld 34)

"Not usually," said Angua.

"I"ve never seen men fight over a woman before," Cheery went on.

"Yeah, that was something, wasn"t it?" said Sally. They"d dropped Tawneee off at her home. She"d been in quite a thoughtful frame of mind.

"And all she did was smile at a man," said Cheery.

"Yes," said Angua. She was trying to concentrate on walking.

"It"d be a bit of a shame for Nobby if she lets that go to her head, though," said Cheery.

Save me from talkative druks ... drinks ... drunks, Angua thought. She said, "Yes, but what about Miss Pushpram? She"s thrown some quite expensive fish at Nobby over the years."

"We"ve struck a blow for ugly womanhood," Sally declared loudly. "Shoes, men, coffins ... never accept the first one you see."

"Oh, shoes," said Cheery, "I can talk about shoes. Has anyone seen the new Yan Rockhammer solid copper slingbacks?"

"Er, we don"t go to a metalworker for our footwear, dear," said Sally. "Oh ... I think I"m going to be sick..."

"Serves you right for drinking ... vine," said Angua maliciously.

"Oh, ha ha," said the vampire from the shadows. "I"m perfectly fine with sarcastic pause "vine"; thank you! What I shouldn"t have drunk was sticky drinks with names made up by people with less sense of humour than, uh, excuse me ... oh, noooo . .

"Are you all right?" said Cheery.

"I"ve just thrown up a small, hilarious, paper umbrella...Oh dear."

"And a sparkler. .."

"Is that you, Sergeant Angua?" said a voice in the gloom. A lantern was opened, and lit the approaching face of Constable Visit. As he drew near, she could just make out the thick wad of pamphlets under his other arm.

"Hello, Washpot," she said. "What"s up?"

"... looks like a twist of lemon ..: said a damp voice from the shadows.

"Mister Vimes sent me to search the bars of iniquity and low places of sin for you," said Visit.

"And the literature?" said Angua. "By the way, the words "nothing personal" could have so easily been added to that last sentence."

"Since I was having to tour the temples of vice, sergeant, I thought I could do Om"s holy work at the same time," said Visit, whose indefatigable evangelical zeal triumphed over all adversity. Sometimes whole bars full of people would lie down on the floor

They say there"s one in every police station. Constable Visit-the-Ungodly-with-ExplanatoryPamphlets was enough for two.

with the lights out when they heard he was coming down the street.

There were sounds of retching from the darkness.

""Woe unto those who abuseth the vine"," said Constable Visit.

He caught the expression on Angua"s face and added: "No offence meant.

"We"ve been through all that," moaned Sally. "What does he want, Washpot?" said Angua.

"It"s about Koom Valley again. He wants you back at the Yard: "But we were stood down!" Sally complained.

"Sorry" said Visit cheerfully, "I reckon you"ve been stood up again." "The story of my life," said Cheery.

"Oh, well, I suppose we"d better go," said Angua, trying to disguise her relief.