Thud! (Discworld 34)

There were lots of birds. Insects bred like mad in the wide, shallow pools and dams that littered the floor of the valley in late

spring. Most of them would be dry by the late summer, but for now

Koom Valley was a smorgasbord of things that went "bzz!". And the

birds had come up from the plains to feast on all of it. Vimes wasn"t good at birds, but they mostly looked like swallows, millions of them. There were nests on the nearest cliff, a good half-mile away, and Vimes could hear the chattering from here. And where trees and rocks had piled up in a dam, saplings and green plants had sprouted.

Below the narrow track the party had taken, waters gushed from half a dozen caves and joined together for one wild waterfall into the plain.

"It"s all so ... so alive," said Angua. "I thought it would be just barren rock."

"Dat"s what it is like up at der battle place," said Detritus, spray glistening on his skin. "My dad took me up dere when we were comin" to der city. He showed me dis kind o" rocky place, hit me on der head, and said, "Remember"."

"Remember what?" said Sally.

"He didn"t say. So I just, you know, gen"rally remembered:

I didn"t expect this, Vimes thought. It"s so ... chaotic. Oh, well, let"s get clear of the cliff wall, at least. All these bloody great boulders must have got here from somewhere.

"I can smell smoke," Angua announced after a while, as they made their way unsteadily across the debris-strewn track.

"Camp fires from up the valley," said Cheery. "Early arrivals, I expect."

"You mean people queue up for a place in the battle?" said Vimes. "Watch this boulder, it"s slippery."

"Oh, yes. The fighting doesn"t start until Koom Valley Day. That"s tomorrow."

"Damn, I lost track. Will it affect us down here?"

Bashfullsson coughed politely. "I don"t think so, commander. This area is too dangerous to fight in."

"Well, yes, I can see it would be terrible if anyone got hurt," said Vimes, climbing over a long heap of rotting timber. "That would spoil the day for everyone."

Historical Re-creation, he thought glumly, as they picked their way across, under, over or through the boulders and insectbuzzing heaps of splintered timber, with streamlets running everywhere. Only we do it with people dressing up and running around with blunt weapons, and people selling hot dogs, and the girls all miserable because they can only dress up as wenches, wenching being the only job available to women in the olden days. ;I see. You will be travelling alone?"

"No, there will have to be eleven of us. Two coaches."

"My word! And disappearing in a puff of smoke to reappear elsewhere is-"

"Out of the question. I just need-"

"An edge," said the wizard. "Yes. Something magical in its cause but not in its effect. Nothing too obvious."

"And no chance of anyone being turned into a frog or anything like that," said Vimes quickly.

"Of course," said Ridcully. He clapped his hands together. "Well, commander, I"m afraid we can"t help you. Meddling in things like this is not what wizarding is all about!" He lowered his voice and went on:

"We will particularly not be able to help you if you have the coaches, empty, round the back in, oh, call it about an hour?"

"Oh? Er ... right," said Vimes, trying to catch up. "You"re not going to make them fly or anything, are you?"

"We"re not going to do anything, commander!" said Ridcully jovially, slapping him on the back. "I thought that was agreed! And I think also that you should leave now, although, of course, you have in fact not been here. And neither have I. I say, this spying business is pretty clever, eh?"

When Vimes had gone, Mustrum Ridcully sat back, lit his pipe and, as an afterthought, used the last of the match to light the candle lantern on the potting table. The gardener could get pretty acerbic if people messed about with his shed, so perhaps he ought to tidy up a bit

He stared at the floor, where a tumbled hosepipe and a fallen onion made what looked, at a casual glance, like a large eyeball with a tail.

The rain cooled Vimes down. It had cooled down the streets, too. You have to be really keen to riot in the rain. Besides, news of last night had got around. No one was sure, of course, and such were the effects of Fluff and Big Hammer that a large if elementary school of thought had been left uncertain about what had really happened. They"d woken up feeling bad, right? Something must have happened. And tonight the rain was setting in, so maybe it was better to stay in the pub.