Thud! (Discworld 34)

"Out here? But it"s-" Vimes began.

"Good afternoon, commander," said Otto Chriek cheerfully, appearing at the doorway. "I haf set up a bench and zer light is just right for colour!"

Vimes had to agree that it was. Thunder light made the

mountains gleam like gold. In the middle distance, the Tears of the King fell in a line of glittering silver. Brightly coloured birds skimmed through the air. And all the way up the valley there were rainbows.

Koom Valley, on Koom Valley Day. He"d had to be there.

"If her ladyship vill be seated viz zer little boy on her lap and you, commander, standink with your hand on her shoulder ... ?" He bustled around his big black iconograph.

"He"s up here taking pictures for the Times," Sybil whispered. "And I thought, well, it"s now or never. Portraiture must move on."

"How long is this going to take?" said Vimes.

"Oh, about a fraction of a second, commander," said Otto.

Vimes brightened up. This was more like it.

Of course, it never is. But it was a warm afternoon, and Vimes still felt good. They sat and stared with those fixed grins people wear when they"re wondering why a fraction of a second takes half an hour, while Otto tried to get the universe sorted out to his satisfaction.

"Havelock will be wondering how to reward you, you know,"

murmured Sybil, as the vampire fussed around.

"He can go on wondering," said Vimes. "I"ve everything I want." He smiled.

Click!

"Sixty new officers?" said Lord Vetinari.

"The price of peace, sir," said Captain Carrot earnestly. "I"m sure that Commander Vimes wouldn"t settle for anything less. We are really stretched."

"Sixty men - and dwarfs and trolls, obviously - is more than a third of your current complement," said the Patrician, tapping his walking stick on the cobbles. "Peace comes with a rather large bill, captain."

"And a few dividends, sir," Carrot said.

They looked up at the circle-and-bar symbol over the door of the mine, just above the yellow and black rope used by the Watch to warn off intruders.

"The mine falls to us by default?" said Vetinari.

"Apparently, sir. I believe the term is "eminent domain"."

"Ah, yes. That means naked theft by the government," said Vetinari.

"But the grags bought the freehold, sir. They"re hardly going to contest it now."

"Quite. And the dwarfs really can make watertight tunnels?"

"Oh, yes. The trick is almost as old as mining. Would you care to step inside? I"m afraid the elevator is not working at the moment, though."

Lord Vetinari inspected the rails and the little carts the dwarfs had used to shift spoil. He felt the dry walls. He went back upstairs and frowned as a one-ton slab of iron came through the wall, whirled past his face, passed through the opposite wall and buried itself in the street outside.

"And was that supposed to happen?" he said, brushing plaster dust off his robe.

An excited voice behind him shouted: "The torque! It"s impossible! Amazing!"

A figure climbed through the wall, holding something in one hand. He rushed up to Captain Carrot, vibrating with excitement.