Monstrous Regiment (Discworld 31)

They were winning, weren't they? So where did the word "surrender" come from? And what was the Alliance?

And then there was the problem of Strappi, which had been growing on her. She could see he got on Jackrum's nerves as well, and he had a struttiness about him, a certain¨C er... sockiness, as if he was really the one in charge. Perhaps it was just general unpleasantness, but...

"Corporal?" she said.

"Yes, Parts?" said Strappi. His nose was still very red.

"We are winning this war, aren't we?" said Polly. She'd given up correcting him.

Suddenly, every ear in the squad was listening.

"Don't you bother yourself about that, Parts!" snapped the corporal. "Your job is to fight!"

"Right, corp. So... I'll be fighting on the winning side, will I?"

"Oho, we've got someone who asks too many questions here, sarge!" said Strappi.

"Yeah, don't ask questions, Perks," said Jackrum, absent-mindedly.

"So we're losing, then?" said Tonker. Strappi turned on him.

"That's spreading Alarm and Despondency again, that is!" he shrieked. "That's aiding the enemy!"

"Yeah, knock it off, Private Halter," said Jackrum. "Okay? Now get a - "

"Halter, I'm placing you under arrest for - "

"Corporal Strappi, a word in your shell-like ear, please? You men, you stop here!" growled the sergeant, clambering down from the cart.

Jackrum walked back down the road about fifty feet. Glaring round at the squad, the corporal strutted after him.

"Are we in trouble?" said Tonker.

"You guess," said Maladict.

"Bound to be," said Shufti. "Strappi can always get you for something."

"They're having an argument," said Maladict. "Which is odd, don't you think? A sergeant is supposed to give orders to a corporal."

"We are winning, aren't we?" said Shufti. "I mean, I know there's a war, but... I mean, we get weapons, don't we, and we'll... well, they've got to train us, right? It'll probably be all over by then, right? Everyone says we're winning."

"I will ask the Duchess in my prayers tonight," said Wazzer.

The rest of the squad looked at one another with a shared expression.

"Yeah, right, Wazz," said Tonker kindly. "You do that."

The sun was setting fast, half hidden in the mist. Here, on the muddy road between damp fields, it suddenly felt as cold as it could be.

"No one says we're winning, except maybe Strappi," said Polly. "They just say that everyone says we're winning."

"The men Igor... repaired didn't even say that," said Tonker. "They said 'you poor bastards, you'll leg it if you've any sense.'"

"Thank you for sharing," said Maladict.

"It looks as though everyone's feeling sorry for us," said Polly.

"Yeah, well, so am I, and I am uth," said Igor. "Thome of thothe men - "