Monstrous Regiment (Discworld 31)

"Yeah, well, but you said they was sending messages in code, sir, and - "

"Er, I think we have their cipher book as well, sarge," said Maladict, stepping forward with the white object in his hand. "That man tried to eat it, sarge. Rice paper. But he rushed his food, you might say."

"And you dislodged it, sergeant, and probably saved his life. Well done!" said Blouse.

"But one of 'em got away, sir," said Jackrum. "He'll soon get to - "

"Sergeant?"

Jade was rising over the grass. As she plodded nearer they saw she was dragging a man by one foot. When she was closer it was obvious that the man was dead. Living people have more head.

"I heard the shoutin' and he come runnin' and I jumped up and he come straight into me, head first!" Jade complained. "I didn't even get a chance to hit him!"

"Well, private, at least we can definitely say he was stopped," said Blouse.

"Thur, thith man is dying," said Igorina, who was kneeling by the man Sergeant Jackrum had so positively saved from choking. "He hath been poithened!"

"Hath he? By whom?" said Blouse. "Are you sure?"

"The green foam coming out of hith mouth ith a definite clue, thur."

"What's funny, Private Maladict?" said Blouse.

The vampire chuckled. "Oh, sorry, sir. They say to spies 'If you're caught, eat the documents', don't they? A good way of making sure they don't give away any secrets."

"But you've got the... soggy book in your hands, corporal!"

"Vampires can't be poisoned that easily, sir," said Maladict calmly.

"It wath probably only fatal by mouth in any case, thur," said Igorina. "Terrible stuff. Thtuff. He'th dead, thur. Nothing I can do."

"Poor fellow. Well, we have the codes, anyway," said Blouse. "This is a great discovery, men."

"And a prisoner, sir, and a prisoner," said Jackrum.

The one surviving man, who had been operating the clacks, groaned and tried to move.

"A bit bruised, I expect," Jackrum added, with some satisfaction. "When I land on someone, sir, they stay landed on."

"Two of you, bring him with us," said Blouse. "Sergeant, there's a few hours to dawn, and I want to be well away from here. I want the other two buried somewhere down in the woods, and - "

"You just have to say 'carry on, sergeant', sir," said Jackrum, and it was almost a wail. "That's how it works, sir! You tell me what you want, I give 'em the orders!"

"Times are changing, sergeant," said Blouse.

Messages, flying across the sky. They were an Abomination Unto Nuggan.

The logic sounded impeccable to Polly as she helped Wazzer to dig two graves. Prayers from the faithful ascended unto Nuggan, going upwards. A variety of unseen things, such as sanctity and grace and a list of this week's Abominations, descended from Nuggan to the faithful, going downwards. What was forbidden was messages from one human to another going, as it were, from side to side. There could be collisions. If you believed in Nuggan, that is. If you believed in prayer.

Wazzer's real name was Alice, she confided as she dug, but it was hard to apply the name to a small stick-thin lad with a bad haircut and not much skill with a shovel, who had a habit of standing just slightly too close to you and stared just slightly to the left of your face when she talked to you. Wazzer believed in prayer. She believed in everything. That made her kind of... awkward to talk to, if you didn't. But Polly felt she should make the effort.

"How old are you, Wazz?" she said, shovelling dirt.

"N-n-nineteen, Polly," said Wazzer.

"Why'd you join?"

"The Duchess told me to," said Wazzer.