"She cries?"
"Because there are so many things that people want, and she can't give them anything." Wazzer gave them all one of her smiles that lit up the room. "But everything will be fine when I am in the right place," she said.
"Well, that's all right, then - " Polly began, in that cloud of deep embarrassment that Wazzer called up within her.
"Yeah, right," said Tonker. "But I'm not praying to anyone, okay? Ever again. I don't like this, Wazz. You're a decent kid, but I don't like the way you smile - " She stopped. "Oh, no..."
Polly stared at Wazzer. Her face was thin and all angles, and the Duchess in the painting had looked, well, like an overfed turbot, but now the smile, the actual smile...
"I'm not putting up with that!" Tonker snarled. "You stop that right now! I mean it! You're giving me the creeps! Ozz, you stop her - him smiling like that!"
"Just calm down, all of you - " Polly began.
"Bleedin' well shut up!" said Jackrum. "A man can't hear himself chew. Look, you're all edgy. That happens. And Wazzer here's just got a bit of religion before the fight. That happens, too. And what you do is, you save it all up for the enemy. Quieten down. That is what we in the milit'ry call an order, okay?"
"Perks?" It was Blouse.
"You'd better hurry," said Maladict. "His corset probably wants lacing..."
In fact Blouse was sitting on what remained of a chair.
"Ah, Perks. A shave, please," he said.
"Oh, I thought your hand was better, sir..."
"Er... yes." Blouse looked awkward. "The problem, Perks, is... I have never actually shaved myself at all, to be honest. I had a man to do it for me at school, and then of course in the army I shared a batman with Blitherskite and, er, those attempts I made on my own behalf have been somewhat bloody. I never really thought about it until I got to Plotz and, er... suddenly it was embarrassing..."
"Sorry about that, sir," said Polly. It was a strange old world.
"Later on perhaps you could give me a few tips," Blouse went on. "You keep yourself beautifully shaven, I can't help noticing. General Froc would be pleased. He's very anti-whiskers, they say."
"If you like, sir," said Polly. There was no getting out of it. She made a show of sharpening the razor. Perhaps she could manage it with only a few small cuts...
"Do you think I should have a reddened nose?" said Blouse.
"Probably, sir," said Polly. Sarge knows about me, I'm sure, she thought. I know he does. Why's he keeping quiet?
"Probably, Perks?"
"What? Oh. No... why a red nose, sir?" said Polly, applying the lather with vigour.
"It would look more pff amusing, perhaps."
"Not sure that's the purpose of the exercise, sir. Now, if you'd just, er, lie back, sir - "
"There's something you should know about young Perks, sir."
Polly actually yelped. Walking as silently as only a sergeant can, Jackrum had stolen into the room.
"pff Sergeant?" said Blouse.
"Perks doesn't know how to shave a man, sir," said Jackrum. "Give me the razor, Perks."
"Doesn't know how to shave?" said Blouse.
"Nosir. Perks lied to us, right, Perks?"
"All right, sarge, no need to drag it out," sighed Polly. "Lieutenant, I'm - "