Making Money (Discworld 36)

'Apparently he made a mistake, sir. They said he was muttering to himself and then just ran out of the room. They said that some of the staff had gone back in to search for him.'

'Mavolio Bent made a mistake? I think not,' said Cosmo.

'They say he ran off, sir.'

Cosmo very nearly raised an eyebrow without mechanical aid. It was that close.

'Ran off? Was he carrying any large and heavy bags? They usually do.'

'I believe he wasn't, sir,' said Heretofore.

'That would have been... helpful.'

Cosmo leaned back in his chair, pulled off the black glove for the third time today, and held out his hand at arm's length. The ring did look impressive, especially against the pale blue of his finger.

'Have you ever seen a run on a bank, Drumknott?' he said. 'Have you ever seen the crowds fighting for their money?'

'No, sir,' said Heretofore, who was beginning to worry again. The tight boots had been, well, funny, but surely a finger shouldn't look that colour?

'It's a dreadful sight. It's like watching a beached whale being eaten alive by crabs,' said Cosmo, turning his hand so that the light showed up the shadowy V. 'It may squirm in its agony, but there can be only one outcome. It is a terrible thing, if done properly.'

This is how Vetinari thinks, his soul exulted. Plans can break down. You cannot plan the future. Only presumptuous fools plan. The wise man steers.

'As a director of the bank and, of course, a concerned citizen,' he said dreamily, 'I shall now write a letter to the Times!

'Yes, sir, of course,' said Heretofore, 'and shall I send for a jeweller, sir? I understand they have some fine little snips that - '

'No pain without gain, Drumknott. It sharpens my thinking.' The glove went back on.

'Er...' and then Heretofore gave up. He'd tried his best, but Cosmo was bent on his own destruction, and all a sensible man could do was to make as much money as possible and then stay alive to spend it.

'I've had another stroke of luck, sir,' he ventured. He'd have liked more time, but it was clear that time was getting short.

'Indeed? What is this?'

'That project I have been working on...'

'Very expensively? Yes?'

'I believe I can get you Vetinari's stick, sir.'

'You mean his swordstick?'

'Yes, sir. As far as I know the blade has never been drawn in anger.'

'I understood it was always close to him.'

'I didn't say it would be easy, sir. Or cheap. But after much, much work I now see a clear way,' said Heretofore.

'They say the steel of the blade was taken from the iron in the blood of a thousand men...'

'So I have heard, sir.'

'Have you seen it?'

'Very briefly, sir.'

For the first time in his career, Heretofore found himself feeling sorry for Cosmo. There was a kind of yearning in the man's voice. He didn't want to usurp Vetinari. There were plenty of people in the city who wanted to usurp Vetinari. But Cosmo wanted to be Vetinari.