Making Money (Discworld 36)

'Yeth, thur,' said Igor. 'It will help me.'

'Oh, very well, if you think it will help,' said Hubert. He took a sip from the jug Igor had just used, and cleared his throat.

'Hah,' he said. 'Er, hahahh hah HA HA HA HA HA HA...'

What a waste of a wonderful gift, thought Igor, and turned the handle.

Gloop!

Even from down here in the vaults you could hear the buzz of activity in the banking hall.

Moist walked under the weight of a crate of banknotes, to Adora Belle's annoyance.

'Why can't you put them in a safe?'

'Because those're full of coins. Anyway, we'll have to keep them in here for now, until we get sorted out.'

'It's really just a victory thing, isn't it? Your triumph over gold.'

'A bit, yes.'

'You got away with it again.'

'I wouldn't exactly put it like that. Gladys has applied to be my secretary'

'Here's a tip: don't let her sit on your lap.'

'I'm being serious here! She's ferocious! She probably wants my job now! She believes everything she reads!'

'There's your answer, then. Good grief, she's the least of your problems!'

'Every problem is an opportunity,' said Moist primly.

'Well, if you upset Vetinari again you will have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to never have to buy another hat.'

'No, I think he likes a little opposition.'

'And are you any good at knowing how much?'

'No. It's what I enjoy. You get a wonderful view from the point of no return.'

Moist opened the vault and put the crate on a shelf. It looked a bit lost and alone, but he could just make out the thudding of the press in the Mint as Mr Spools's men worked hard at providing it with company.

Adora Belle leaned on the doorframe, watching him carefully.

'They tell me that while I was away you did all kinds of risky things. Is that true?'

'I like to flirt with risk. It's always been part of my life.'

'But you don't do that kind of stuff while I'm around,' said Adora Belle. 'So I'm enough of a thrill, am I?'

She advanced. The heels helped, of course, but Spike could move like a snake trying to sashay, and the severe, tight and ostensibly modest dresses she wore left everything to the imagination, which is much more inflammatory than leaving nothing. Speculation is always more interesting than facts.

'What are you thinking about right now?' she said. She dropped her cigarette stub and pinned it with a heel.

'Money boxes,' said Moist instantly.

'Money boxes?'