Unseen Academicals (Discworld 37)

There seemed to Ponder to be a rather longer pause than necessary before Ridcully said, 'Nutt would be... ?'

'He works in the candle vats, sir.'

'How do you know that, Stibbons?'

'I do the wages, sir. The Candle Knave says Nutt just turned up one night with a chitty saying he was to be employed and paid minimal wage.'

'Well?'

'That's all I know, sir, and I only found that out because I asked Smeems. Smeems says he's a good lad but sort of odd.'

'Then he should fit right in, don't you think, Stibbons? In fact, we are seeing how he fits in.'

'Well yes, sir, no problem there, but he's a goblin, apparently, and generally, you know, it's a sort of odd tradition, but when the first people from other races first come to the city they start out in the Watch... '

Ridcully cleared his throat, loudly. 'The trouble with the Watch, Stibbons, is that they ask too many questions. We should not emulate them, I suggest.' He looked at Ponder and appeared to reach a decision. 'You know that you have a glowing future here at UU, Stibbons.'

'Yes, sir,' said Ponder gloomily.

'I would advise you, with this in mind, to forget all about Mister Nutt.'

'Excuse me, Archchancellor, but that simply will not do!'

Ridcully swayed backwards, like a man subjected to an attack by a hitherto comatose sheep.

Ponder plunged on, because when you have dived off a cliff your only hope is to press for the abolition of gravity.

'I have twelve jobs in this university,' he said. 'I do all the paperwork. I do all the adding up. In fact, I do everything that requires even a modicum of effort and responsibility! And I go on doing it even though Brazeneck have offered me the post of Bursar! With a staff! I mean real people, not a stick with a knob on the end. Now... Will... You... Trust... Me? What is it about Nutt that is so important?'

'The bastard tried to lure you away?' said Ridcully. 'How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless Dean! Is there nothing he will not stoop to? How much did - '

'I didn't ask,' said Ponder quietly.

There was a moment of silence and then Ridcully patted him a couple of times on the shoulder.

'The problem with Mister Nutt is that people want to kill him.'

'What people?'

Ridcully stared into Ponder's eyes. His lips moved. He squinted up and down like a man engaged in complex calculation. He shrugged.

'Probably everybody,' he said.

'Please have some more of my wonderful apple pie,' said Nutt.

'But she gave it to you,' said Trev, grinning. 'I'd never 'ear the end of it if I ate your pie.'

'But you are my friend, Mister Trev,' said Nutt. 'And since it is my pie I can decide what to do with it.'

'Nah,' said Trev, waving it away. 'But there is a little errand you can do for me, me being a kind and understanding boss what lets you work all the hours you want.'

'Yes, Mister Trev?' said Nutt.

'Glenda will come in around midday. To be honest, she hardly ever leaves the place. I would like you to go and ask her the name of that girl who was up there tonight.'

'The one who shouted at you, Mister Trev?'

'The very same,' said Trev.