Shattered (Extreme Risk 2)

“Better than good enough.” I hug him again, pretending that I don’t hear the sniffles he’s manfully trying to hold back. Then again, I’m sniffling a little bit myself.

When we’re both composed again, I ruffle Logan’s hair, just to hear him screech. Which he does—like a banshee. “So, Chinese or pizza for dinner?”

“Pizza. Obviously.” He looks at me like I’m an idiot. “And I think you should call Tansy.”

“Logan—”

“You promised to listen to me, remember?”

“Not about this.”

“Yes, about this.” He waits for me to stop gritting my teeth before he continues. “You love her, she loves you. Yes, she lied to you, but shit, Ash, you haven’t exactly been easy to talk to lately, you know?”

I do know that. Just like I know I owe her an apology for acting like such a douche when she told me. But I’m not ready to face her yet. I don’t know what to say. And besides, if she’s sick again … if she’s sick again I’m not sure I can pretend things are okay. Not sure I can keep a happy face on for her when I’m dying inside.

“I call bullshit.” Logan looks at me smugly and for the first time, I realize I must have said some of that out loud. Maybe all of it. The thought makes me sick and yet Logan looks so smug, so sure of himself, that I can’t help wondering what he’s going to say. The kid has mad people skills, obviously, and understands a hell of a lot more than I gave him credit for.

“Oh, yeah? And why is that?”

“You’re not afraid to talk to her. You’re afraid she’s going to die and you’re not going to be able to take it.”

“That’s not true—”

“It’s totally true and you know it.”

I do know it. Just the thought of something happening to Tansy sends me into a cold sweat, has panic crawling down my spine. Losing my parents the way I did devastated me, as did Logan’s injury. If something happens to Tansy on top of all that … I might as well check myself in to a mental institution now.

“And you’re forgetting something,” Logan tells me, a smug grin on his face.

“What’s that, oh wise one?”

“You love her. Which means you’re going to be wrecked if something happens to her, whether you’re with her or not. So why not be with her while you can?”

His words reverberate in my head, chase themselves around and around inside my brain as the truth ripples through me.

He’s right.

He’s totally right.

I do love Tansy. I will be devastated if something happens to her, even if I’m not with her. I should be with her, in case she needs me. And because I really, really need her. And hiding here, embarrassed to face her because I was an asshole, isn’t helping either one of us.

I yank my phone out of my pocket, dial Z, who answers on the first ring. “Hey, man, I know we just got home, but—”

“Ophelia and I are on our way.”

“You don’t even know what I’m going to ask.”

“You better be asking for us to come hang with Logan while you go find Tansy, in which case we need to come over. And if you’re not, we’re coming over anyway, because I’m going to kick your ass and then you’re going to go see Tansy. Either way, it works.”

“Good thing I’m calling to ask you to hang with Logan, then, huh?”

“Damn good thing.” His voice is rife with satisfaction. “Tansy is at Huntsman Cancer Institute. Ophelia and I’ve already sent flowers.”

“Thanks, man.” I get a little choked up at that. I should have done it, but since I didn’t, it’s good to have a best friend who knows me well enough to take up the slack. “I’ll see you in twenty minutes?”

“You’ll see me in two. We just pulled into your driveway.”

With that, he hangs up and I’m left to wonder what the fuck I ever did to deserve the friends and family that I’ve got.