He looks over my shoulder at the mattress with the white sheet. His brow furrows, but he doesn’t speak anymore. He takes a deep breath, runs his fingers through his hair and then pulls my head against his chest.
“I wish I could rescue you from this place tonight,” he says softly. “I wish I could introduce you to a normal life. I wish I could show you life as it’s supposed to be. I wish I could give you a romantic wedding night.”
I inhale his scent and close my eyes, savoring the fragrance. “You’re my husband. Being in your arms, I feel… safe. That’s all I need and all I’ll ever ask for.”
“But you aren’t safe. As long as we’re here, you’ll never be safe.”
He’s right. I know this deep down. I love my Papa Rich, but I know that one wrong move by Christopher or even me, and his temper could attack. He seems so unhinged, and it’s growing deeper and deeper by the day.
I break away from the hold and walk to the mattress. I begin unfolding the sheet and covering the bed with it, taking extra care to smooth out the wrinkles and tuck the corners in snuggly. I want our wedding bed to be as perfect as it can be.
I try to ignore the fear sizzling through my veins. Papa said it would hurt, and he’d never lied to me before, so I believe every word. But I also know it’s my duty as a wife, and one that I want to do well. I can’t give Christopher true freedom, but I can do whatever I can to make him happy and well cared for. It also shames me that a big part of me is curious and even excited for what’s to come. I want another kiss. I want more tender caresses and holding. I want the love. God, how much I want the love.
Not wanting to discuss this further, not wanting to beg for Christopher to comply, and not wanting to wait on anxious breath anymore, I lie on my back and slowly open my legs. I’m not wearing panties because I have none that were fancy enough for such a special day and night.
“I’m ready,” I nearly whisper, not sure what else to say. My voice cracks as I say the words.
I stare at the ceiling and wait to hear the slightest noise from Christopher. The first thing I hear is the release of a deep breath and then his footsteps approaching the mattress.
“I can’t do this,” he says as he towers over me, looking down with sorrow in his eyes. “This isn’t me. It feels wrong.”
I sit up and reach for his hand. Pulling him down to the mattress, I say, “Please. I know you think it’s dark now, but it can get so much darker. We must obey.”
“I don’t care what he does to me. He can’t make me lose who I am to my core.”
“He’ll hurt me, Christopher,” I say softly. “Protect me. As my husband, I’m asking you to please keep me from harm.”
I lie back down and close my eyes tightly, preparing myself for what is to come… or at least what I hope is coming.
17
Christopher
“Open your eyes,” I say firmly. “It won’t be like this. I won’t have your first time be a memory of you grinning and bearing it because you think it’s your wifely duty. If we’re going to have sex, then you’re going to allow me to make it as special as it can be considering our circumstances.”
“Special?” She opens her eyes and looks up at me.
The protective need coursing through me right now is beyond powerful. I don’t know why. I don’t know why I feel this overwhelming need to give this woman the best that I can, and if that means something as simple as making her first time having sex as pleasant as possible, then so be it.
I position my body so I’m beside her. I look into her eyes and say, “All you have to say is stop, and I will. Ask me to slow down, and I’ll listen. Your voice will be heard. Do not suffer through this. Understand?”
She nods and licks her lips as her eyes look at mine.
I lean forward and press my mouth to hers and am surprised when she willingly kisses me back. A bolt of desire shoots through me from the simple act, and I can’t resist but to press my tongue past her lips and caress it with hers. Rather than pulling back, tensing, or flinching like I expect her to do, she instead lets out a gasp as she dances her tongue with mine. Our kiss grows in intensity, and a passion I haven’t felt since I was a naive young boy who believed in puppy love, causes my cock to harden.