Aiden was kissing me.
And like that, it was over. He stepped back, scrubbed his hands over his face, and then bent over with his hands on his thighs and took deep breaths in and out.
I was frozen. Unable to move, and honestly as confused as all get out. What had just happened?
“Um, I, ah, I didn’t mean to kiss you,” he said.
“You didn’t?” I asked, a touch of anger mixed with disappointment in my voice.
He looked at me, and I watched his chest rise and fall with each breath. “I shouldn’t have kissed you is what I meant.”
“Why not? I wanted you to kiss me, Aiden. I’ve dreamed of you kissing me.”
He straightened and took a step back, shaking his head. “No, you don’t want that, Willa.”
A humorless laugh escaped my mouth, but it sounded colder than anything. “I’m pretty sure I’ve wanted you to kiss me since I was like eleven, Aiden.”
His confused expression turned to one of panic. “I can’t. I cannot give you what you want, Willa. I’m not interested in a relationship and I…I wasn’t thinking. I took one look at you, and you’re hot as fucking hell, and I was thinking with my cock and not my head.”
I flinched and took a step back.
Aiden closed his eyes for a second and then turned away from me. “It was good seeing you, Willa.”
“That’s it? You’re going to treat me like that and then just leave? I’m not asking you to be my boyfriend, Aiden. But don’t you dare walk away from me and pretend we’re not friends. If you never kiss me again, I’ll be okay with that, but I don’t want you to walk away from me like this.”
Aiden slowly turned and faced me once again. “Friends?”
I nodded. “Yes. Always.”
His hand came up to his mouth, and he honestly seemed to be struggling with something.
“Talk to me, Aiden. What’s wrong?”
With another shake of his head he walked back up to me. He cupped my face in his hands and stared into my eyes. “I’m sorry, Willa. I wish I could, but I can’t.”
“You wish you could what? Aiden, you’re making no sense right now.”
He drew in a deep breath and then slowly let it out as he rested his forehead against mine. “You’re so beautiful, and one day some lucky bastard is going to marry you, you’ll have babies, and you’ll teach them all about apples.”
I searched his face before placing my hands on his arms.
“I’m sorry that person can’t be me.” He closed his eyes and whispered, “I want it to be me so fucking badly.”
I drew in a breath, but before I could say anything, he pressed his mouth to mine once more. The kiss was so sweet, yet full of an emotion I couldn’t pinpoint. I tried to get closer. If I could have crawled into his body, I would have.
He jerked his mouth from mine, and I fought for air.
“You’ll always have my heart, Aiden. I swear to you, it will always belong to you.”
He shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut before he looked down at me. “Don’t wait for me, Willa.”
I lifted my chin, about to tell him I’d wait for eternity, when he kissed me once more and then whispered against my lips, “Friends, always.”
He drew back, wiped the tears away from my cheeks, and then took a step away.
With a shaky voice that didn’t even sound like my own, I replied, “Friends, always.”
Aiden
Two weeks later
“O’Hara, what’s on your mind?”
I turned to look at Master Chief Holden, the leader for my SEAL team, as the sound of the blades swirled around the inside of the chopper. I forced thoughts of Willa out of my head. “All good, sir.”
He gave me a knowing look. “Something is off, and don’t say you’re fine. I can tell when someone on the team isn’t in sync.”
My stomach jerked a little as I thought about kissing Willa. About how I almost told her I loved her. How I almost asked her to be mine. To wait for me, to come to Virginia Beach after she graduated college.
In that moment, I’d wanted to be a selfish bastard, because I knew if I had asked her to be with me that night in the barn, she’d have said yes. I saw it in her eyes. I felt it in her kiss. If I’d asked her to walk away from all of her dreams and come sit in an apartment in Dam Neck, Virginia, and worry every time I got deployed, she would have done it.
But there was no fucking way I could ever allow her to give up her dreams. I cared about her too much to ever ask her to do that. Yet, I had thought of asking. More than once.
“A girl, sir.”
He smiled and shook his head. “It’s always a girl. You went back home, correct?”