She pulls off her sunglasses and gazes at me from across the small, round table that separates us as if trying to catalog every minute detail before committing them to memory. “I can’t believe how handsome you’ve become. But then again, you always were an adorable child.” She reaches out and traces her fingers along the curve of my cheek before they settle on my chin. I remain mute as she turns my face one way and then carefully the other. It’s so tempting to close my eyes and sink into the warmth of her touch, but I’m afraid to do that. I’m afraid if I blink—even for a second—she’ll disappear, and this will end up being nothing more than a hazy dream that I’ll wake from.
“It’s so good to see you again,” she says. “I’m glad you reached out.”
My head bobs as I frantically search for something to say, but nothing comes to mind. I have no idea where to start. This woman is my mother. My flesh and blood. Her name is on my birth certificate. She cared for me during those first five years. And yet, she’s nothing more than a stranger. As much as I wish it didn’t, this feels...awkward.
“I’ve thought about reaching out for a while,” she says, breaking the silence. “Thank you for taking that first step.”
I shift on my seat. “No problem.”
Her fingers tighten around my hand. “I’ve thought about you so much over the years, but I was afraid to contact you. I didn’t want to disrupt your life.”
My heart constricts painfully. “You wouldn’t have.” Maybe if she had reached out, I wouldn’t have spent all these years walking around, thinking there was something wrong with me. I wouldn’t have felt abandoned. I wouldn’t have pushed away the people who only wanted to love me.
She clears her throat and blinks back the wetness that fills her eyes. “Tell me everything. Catch me up.”
Once I start talking, I can’t stop. It all pours out in a rush of words. I give her the Spark Notes version of my life. From elementary school through college, along with my plans for the future. Instead of being straight with her about my feelings, I gloss over the hurt and pain she inflicted. Candace sits quietly across from me, squeezing my hand every so often to let me know she’s paying attention. The longer I talk, the more my muscles loosen.
“I heard your father remarried some time ago.”
“He did,” I admit cautiously, “when I was seven.”
“And his wife, did she treat you well?”
“Yes.” As much as I want to tell her that I couldn’t have asked for a better stepmother than Jenna, I’m afraid to say too much. I don’t want to ruin the fragile moment unfolding between us. This is going so much better than I expected. I want it to continue. I want to spend more time with her. I want her to share all the details of her life with me. I want to soak up enough to make the sixteen years of silence between us disappear.
Is that even possible?
Her lips tilt at the corners. “I’m glad. It’s a relief to know that you were well cared for and loved.” Her gaze drops to our clasped hands. “Part of what kept me from reaching out is that I was afraid you wouldn’t be able to forgive me for leaving the way I did.”
The words tumble out of my mouth before I can stop them. “Of course, I forgive you. I,” my tongue darts out to moisten my lips, “I just want to get to know you. I want to make up for lost time.”
Instead of answering, she squeezes my fingers before opening up and telling me all about her art and family. I dredge my memory for every little detail, wanting her to know that she was never forgotten even though we weren’t in contact all these years.
When I glance at my phone on the table, I’m surprised to realize that two hours have slipped by. As much as I don’t want to cut this reunion short, I need to get back for practice, or Coach will have my ass, and I can’t afford for that to happen. Not with the way I’ve been playing.
But I can’t walk away from her without having another date firmly set in place. I need to know that we’re going to see each other again. Sooner rather than later. “When will I be able to meet your husband and kids?”
Leif and Surrey. A half brother and sister. It’s so weird to think that I have siblings out there. Up until last week, I was an only child. There were times when I was growing up that I desperately wanted siblings. Hell, I would have been content if Jenna and Dad had popped out a few kiddos. They tried for a couple of years and went the fertility drug route, but nothing worked. It would be kind of cool to pick up Candace’s kids on a weekend and take them to the movies or amusement park. Maybe Alyssa can come with. We can get to know them together. She can be part of this new phase taking place in my life.