With that, he takes a step away, and the question bursts free from my lips before I can rein it in again. “Are you all right?”
He shrugs. “I’m fine.” There’s a monotone quality to his voice. One that scares me. It’s like he’s a million miles away, and there’s no way for me to reach him.
I bite down on my lower lip before asking, “Do you want me to walk with you to the field?” It’s hesitantly that I close the space between us. “We could talk on the way.” I don’t care if that makes me late for class.
“I appreciate the offer, but I just want to be alone.”
“Sure, I get it.” My shoulders slump under the weight of the moment. Even though it feels like we’ve been gradually inching our way into unchartered territory with this relationship, it now feels like we’re taking a gigantic step in retreat. And there’s nothing I can do to stop it from happening.
Colton shifts impatiently as if he can’t wait to get away from me. “We’ll talk later, okay?”
One long-legged stride puts an ocean of distance between us. If I were desperate enough, I could leap forward and grab hold of him, but that would do nothing to change the emotional gulf that has developed. Colton is good at closing people off. He’s spent his entire life mastering the art of walking away.
A mixture of fear and regret bloom inside me. “Yeah, sure. No problem.” As he takes another step, I add pathetically, “Call me.”
He jerks his head toward the building. “Gotta go.”
Before I even have a chance to lift my hand, he dismisses me, only to disappear inside the lobby without another glance in my direction. A wave of sadness crashes over me, threatening to suck me under. Maybe I was stupid for not anticipating this outcome. Or guarding my heart better against Colton.
Although, I have to wonder if that was ever a possibility.
Somehow, I don’t think so.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Alyssa
Even though I should be plowing my way through this work, I’m staring off into space, lost in the tangle of my own conflicted thoughts. I can’t concentrate to save my life which is why I dragged Mia to the library in the first place. I have a test coming up on Friday and a paper that needs to be outlined if I’m going to complete it by the due date. Between fifteen credits, carving out time in the studio, and teaching a couple of classes, I’ve got a jam-packed schedule and more than enough to keep my brain occupied so that I don’t dwell on the Colton situation.
But guess what?
The blond football player continues to dominate all of my thoughts.
I give myself a good mental slap before refocusing my attention on the computer screen. Everything in me deflates as I read over the paragraph for the umpteenth time. I’m irritated that I allowed my advisor to talk me into this upper-level psych course. I thought it would be a blowoff class that would allow me more time to focus on dance.
Ha!
Jokes on me. That hasn’t turned out to be the case. Not by a long shot. The professor is a real hard-ass. Now I’m stuck writing a ten-page paper on the measurement of critical thinking.
The measurement of what?
Exactly.
Unfortunately, it’s much too late to switch classes and pick up something else. I can’t afford to drop it unless I want to take eighteen credits next semester. And, to be clear, I don’t. Especially when I’ll be busy rehearsing for my final spring showcase.
So, I’m stuck with this class for the duration.
When I huff out a breath, Mia glances up from the laptop she’s working at on the other side of the table. “You doing okay?”
Now there’s a loaded question. One I’m not entirely sure how to answer.
“Yup.” There’s a beat of silence. “Why?”
She shrugs and leans back in her chair before stretching. We’ve been camped out here for a couple of hours. I glance at my screen, dismayed to realize that I’ve barely accomplished anything.
Ugh. I’ve blown two hours of prime study time that I’ll never get back again.
“You just seem,” her brows draw together, “I don’t know...preoccupied?”
Little does Mia realize that I sped past preoccupied doing ninety on the freeway a while ago.
I drag a hand over my face and try to shake off everything that’s been eating away at me. My teeth sink into my lower lip. I have yet to come clean to Mia about my recent involvement with Colton. Then again, is there really anything to tell her about? He’s done exactly what I was afraid of and pushed me away.
It’s like déjà vu all over again, and it leaves a pit sitting uncomfortably at the bottom of my belly. One that hasn’t budged for days.
“So,” I hedge, a little nervous about how she’ll react, “I haven’t exactly been honest with you.”