“Fuck, yeah!” He punches me in the arm. “It’s all about controlling the bullshit up here.” He taps his temple before shrugging. “Or maybe it has more to do with what you’re packing. All I know is that it’s one head or the other.”
I snort.
The guy isn’t wrong.
He grabs his athletic bag and slings it over his shoulder. “You ready to get out of here?”
“Yup.”
So damn ready.
I need to celebrate the good news. Or maybe have a little one-on-one party with Alyssa. I really need to fix the situation with her. Unfortunately, old habits die hard, and I pushed her away, needing a little breathing room to get my head straight. I want to explain what happened so we can move forward with this relationship.
Things are starting to look up.
With that thought circling through my head, I push through the heavy locker room door before skidding to a halt when my gaze lands on Alyssa. She’s leaning against the far wall with her arms crossed over her chest. For a sliver of a moment, déjà vu crashes over me along with a prickle of unease.
Beck plows into me from behind. “Dude, what the—”
“Oh, hey, Alyssa.” His gaze bounces between the pair of us. That’s all it takes for him to accurately size up the situation. With one quick movement, he sidesteps me before calling over his shoulder, “Bye, Alyssa.” And then he’s disappearing down the corridor and around the corner.
Whatever her reason for seeking me out at the athletic center, it’s not good.
“Hi.” Even though there are only fifteen feet separating us, it might as well be an ocean. There’s a palpable disconnect, and deep down, I know it’s my fault. I pushed her away instead of opening up and letting her in.
As if to solidify those thoughts, her lips lift into a ghost of a smile as she shoves away from the concrete wall. “You didn’t have time to talk the other day, so I thought I’d come here.”
I wince and drag a hand through my damp hair. “I’m sorry about that. There’s been a lot of shit going on.” Shit I needed to work out on my own. “Do you want to grab something to eat, and we can talk?” Maybe then we can get back on the same page.
There’s a moment of hesitation. One that has hope rising up within me. But then she shakes her head as regret flickers across her features. “I can’t. I’m meeting up with Zoe to work on choreography.” She draws in a deep breath before glancing away and forcing out the rest in a burst. “Whatever this is between us, it’s not working out.”
I can only blink as the words swirl through my head, refusing to compute. “You...want to break up?”
“Are we even together, Colton? Wouldn’t things be different between us if we were?”
I open my mouth to argue before snapping it shut again. I guess she’s right about that. Instead of talking through my feelings, I forced her away, needing to deal with everything on my own.
And now I’ve screwed up my chance to be with her.
It only reinforces the ugly thoughts lurking at the back of my head that I’ll always be a fucked-up mess. No matter how much I try to change, it only takes one little hiccup, and all the shit from my past is flaring back to life, poisoning everything in its path.
And right now, that’s my relationship with Alyssa.
“Colton?” Her voice softens as she closes the distance between us, hesitantly placing her fingers on my forearm. “Did you hear what I said?”
Her touch jolts me back to the present. “Yeah.” Instead of trying to explain myself any further, everything inside me shuts down. The one girl I’ve always wanted, the one I was attempting to change for, no longer wants anything to do with me.
Numbness sets in.
I guess that’s another painful lesson I needed to learn. Sometimes, as much as you want a relationship to work out, it’s just not meant to. It’s better to go your separate ways instead of inflicting any more damage.
Maybe she’s right.
Maybe that’s what we both need at this point.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Colton
I pull my BMW into the circular drive and park near the front entrance of my house before cutting the engine, grabbing my duffle bag, and exiting the vehicle. It only takes a moment before I’m up the stairs and punching in the code on the keypad. Once unlocked, I push open the front door and step inside the two-story foyer. As soon as I do, the scent of beef stroganoff hits me full force. I inhale a big breath, doubly glad I decided to get the hell out of Dodge.
Even if it’s only for the night.
Jenna pads through the hallway from the kitchen with a dishtowel in her hands. Happiness lights up her dark eyes when she catches sight of me. “I thought I heard the front door.” She closes the distance between us before rising on her tiptoes and pressing a kiss against my cheek. I lean down, wanting to make it easier for her. Jenna tops out around five-feet. Sometimes I like to tease her by asking what the weather is like down there. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were coming home?”