The second he walked through the door, my insides clenched at the thought of all the things I’d like him to do to me. Unsure if it’s the spicy food I’m ingesting or the heat behind Alex’s gaze, my legs tremble in anticipation, and my skin feels as though it’s on fire.
Before I can get too excited, Rico breaks our staring contest by tapping Alex on the shoulder, diverting his attention.
“Do you think I can come to another one of your games sometime?” Rico gives Alex his cutest puppy-dog face, milking this opportuni
ty.
I cannot deny him when he gives me those sad eyes.
“Of course.” Alex wipes his mouth with the napkin from his lap and then sets it back down. “We have a home game next weekend. I’ll have tickets sent over.” He glances over at Rosario. “As long as you’re okay with it.”
“I’m not a big sports fan”—Rosario meets my gaze—“but maybe Coach and Jamie can take you, if they’re free.”
I finish chewing the mashed plantains and wash it down with half the water from my glass. “I wish I could, but I’ll be in San Francisco for five days. We have a big deal in the works, and I have to leave Friday afternoon.” I see Rico’s face deflate and feel guilty even though I really do have to work. “Sorry, kiddo. Jamie can probably take you.”
“We don’t need Coach anyway.” Jamie flashes me an evil but playful smirk and then winks. “We can have a boys’ day and eat all the junk food we want. How does that sound, buddy?”
His face lights up, his hands slamming down on the table, and he squeals with delight. “Yes! I can’t wait. Thank you, thank you!”
Rosario mouths a quiet, Thank you, to both Alex and Jamie, who nod in acknowledgment.
Alex seems a little disappointed that I have to skip the game, but he plays it off well.
After we finish eating dinner, Rosario gets up from the table to clear the plates, and Alex and Jamie both offer to help, telling her to sit back and relax after cooking such a wonderful meal.
All of my favorite boys are in one place. This is what a family should feel like, and that feeling is so overwhelming, tears begin to form in my eyes. I blink them away, doing my best to hold them back. Staying away from Alex has been hard on me. The nightmares of my parents went away after the first two weeks without him, quickly being replaced by memories of Alex.
Instead of waking up, screaming from horrific visions of my father and mother, their bodies limp and cold on the bed next to me, I cried over the man I lost. The man I am in love with. And it scares the shit out of me. It suffocates me.
Choking and gasping for air, I sit up in bed, hyperventilating and clutching my stomach from crying so hard because it hurts. My tears spill out, drenching my pillow and matting my hair to my face, and the only person who can take the pain away lives next door, which is why I’ve temporarily moved into Jamie’s apartment. Every day, I think of Alex, but I refuse to give in to what I truly want. I have endured so much heartbreak in my life that I know I can get through this.
After we eat dessert, Alex and Jamie stay a while longer to hang out with Rico, taking turns playing NHL 17, the hockey video game Jamie bought for Rico after we went to the Flyers game together. Watching them as they yell and cheer, the men flashing their world dominance over another, brings a smile to my face. I’m sitting in the living room on the couch with Rosario, getting a kick out of them being together. One thing that brought me closer to Alex in the beginning was that he took so well to Rico.
While we are not blood-related, that kid is like a son to me, and both Rico and Rosario are like family. And Alex swooped right in without any instruction and made Rico’s day, somehow squeezing his way into my life and my heart.
“Do you really think that looks like me?” Alex asks Rico with a huge smile.
“Nah, you’re uglier in person,” Rico says, his voice full of laughter.
In response, Alex takes Rico’s head in his hands and rubs his knuckles into his dark brown hair, giving him a noogie, laughing.
Rosario leans over and clamps her hand down over mine, holding it against my knee. Like me, she has had a tough lot in life. Raising a twelve-year-old boy on her own and working two jobs is something I have never done, but I can relate to the struggle.
“Alex is a really good man,” Rosario says before taking a sip of her coffee and setting it back down on the saucer in her hand.
A tiny smile tugs at my mouth. “Yeah, he’s nothing like what I expected before we met. Sometimes, people take you by surprise, you know?”
She nods. “I know exactly what you mean. I never expected a big-time sports agent to take my Rico in when he needed someone the most. I really appreciate you helping us out.” She glances down at the couch and sighs. “That’s why I want to help you even if it’s just a small get-together among friends.”
Confused, I raise my eyebrows.
She seems to notice and continues, “Alex asked me to arrange this dinner.”
With less than a fifteen-year age gap between us, Rosario is too young to be my mother, but it has been so long since I’ve been around someone who I’d consider one that I often forget our small age difference. My mother was distant even before she started to get high with my father. Having Rosario and Rico in my life for the last four years has made a huge difference in how I now view family.
“He really cares for you. Alex was so nervous when he came to see me. I had no idea that you were involved until he asked me to help him out.”
I lean back against the cushions, sinking my elbow into the microfiber to get comfortable even though I feel on edge. “It lasted two months before my boss made me break it off. Things between us weren’t serious,” I lie.