For the last few months, I’ve dwelled on the past more than normal, allowed it to invade all of my waking thoughts and even my dreams. Sometimes, I have nightmares of my childhood. I try to bury them, lock them up and throw away the key, but the past always comes back to haunt me. I can never escape the wrath of my father. He left me with scars to prove it, and the tattoos that cover my shame.
“Son of a bitch,” I say, shaking my head, trying to ignore my father.
I still remember the way his face would twist in disgust, his expression quickly turning to pleasure, as my dad would hit me with the belt. The thought of him taking out his anger over my mother’s death on me causes my back to sting. It’s like a phantom pain. Even to this day I sense him, feel the marks he left behind. He enjoyed hurting me, just as I like being rough with women. Now, Sydney gets to experience how fucked up I am for herself. She has no idea why I am this way.
“Who would’ve thought Parker, of all people, would be the one to fuck with my game.” There’s no sense in overthinking things in the hallway of our practice facility.
Some of the guys pass us with bags in their hands and over their shoulders, talking to each other as they pass. Tyler and I ignore them so we can finish talking.
“I know, right?” Tyler chuckles to himself. “What a dick. We should beat the shit out of Parker for messing with our best player.”
“I’m hardly our best player, Captain,” I smirk.
He rolls his eyes at me. “You’re one of the best goaltenders in the league.”
“I was the best,” I correct.
“You will be again,” he says, confident. “Now that we know what caused your problem, we can fix it.”
“It’s not like Parker did it on purpose,” I tell him, my tone more serious.
“Yeah, I know. I guess the only question I need answered is how to fix my game. We have to make playoffs this year. I don’t care if we get knocked out in the first round as long as we get there.”
“How do you suggest we do that?”
He shrugs, unsure of himself for once. “No clue. I guess I’ll leave that one up to you to figure out now that you know how it all started. I’d say go see the team doctor, but they would probably just tell you some bullshit. We already know what caused your game to slip. All you have to do is figure out how to make it stop. You have done it before. If anyone can turn away from their past, it’s you.”
“I haven’t done such a good job of it so far.”
“Maybe you need to start by showing Sydney your back. It’s time to let someone else into your life. Look, I’m not a shrink, so I have no idea what would work. It’s up to you to sort through your shit. We need you, man. Get it together and do it fast.”
“I can’t make any promises, but I’ll do my best.”
“Good to hear it. Now, can we get out of here, so we can go home to our women? Kennedy is making something for the baby that she’s dying for me to see. She sent me at least twenty messages about it since we’ve been here.”
“Yeah, let’s get out of here.”
We walk down the hall, side-by-side, and when we hit the parking lot, Tyler’s face lights up after receiving another message from Kennedy. I get the same giddy feeling every time Sydney calls me to check in. I never thought either of us could be happy, not after all the things we let stand in the way.
Maybe it’s time to let Sydney be the light to my darkness. Maybe she will help lead the way.
Chapter 16
Sydney
“Carter,” I moan, a whisper on my lips as I bury my face into the mattress and scream as Carter pounds into me. “Harder…” My voice dies off in my throat, the sound muffled by the comforter.
He was right about getting used to the pain, because with that pain, comes pleasure. Bringing his hand down hard on my ass cheek, he gives me what he calls a love tap, before clutching my hips as I come for him once more. The man is like a machine. We fuck, and we fuck, but it’s never enough. And I like it this way. Carter satisfies every one of my desires. But I wish he would take that damn shirt off. It’s been two months of orgasmic sex, plus the time we were together before our break, and I have yet to see him completely naked.
In the time we have known each other, I would have thought by now he would lower his guard for me. I allowed him to break through my barriers, so it’s only fair he does the same.
He must be one of the few professional athletes without at least one shirtless picture online. I scoured the Internet for some lady jerk off material and came up empty handed. Even in person, I can’t get the real thing. That’s a small price to pay in comparison to what I get in return. Carter is a fucking sex God and the cure for the female orgasm. Our sex life has become a huge help to my writing, and Carter is my muse in both the literal and figurative sense.
Spanking me harder this time, he changes the angle by moving me into position, sinking deeper inside me. Flat on my stomach with my ass up, Carter reaches beneath me to pinch my nipple, twisting the bud with his fingers and takes what he wants. His shirt, slick with sweat, is stuck to my back, reminding me of our strange arrangement. If only he would open up to me, let me into his world.
Why does he insist on keeping that thing on in front of me? He has no reason to be afraid.
After we both come, Carter kisses the ass cheek that probably has a welt from his palm and pulls out of me, holding onto my waist, so I don’t tip over. My body and pussy are his and aching for more. But my legs are shaking so bad I need his support.