“I would wake the twins and Kat for school. Then, I’d make them breakfast and pack their lunches. I cooked for them until I forced my dad to hire someone. It’s not like he couldn’t afford it.”
“Okay, so after you dropped them off at school, what would you do next?”
“I went to high school with Austin. I was a junior, and Austin was a sophomore. We were both on the ice hockey team, which was hard because we had to practice with our team after school.”
“Who picked Kat and the twins up?”
“My coach knew what we were going through. He let me come late to practice with Kat and the twins.”
“And then, what? Walk me through the rest of your night.”
“I’d practice with my team, and then we’d go home and eat dinner together. We eventually got a chef who cooked for us. Between Austin and me, we became the parents to three kids that didn’t understand our mom wasn’t coming back and that our dad had left us.”
“Why do you think he did that?”
“My mom was the love of his life. He was the love of hers. Dad couldn’t deal with reality.”
“How do you feel about that kind of love?”
“I don’t want to feel that kind of pain.”
“But what if you could experience that for yourself?”
“When my mom died…” I run my hands through my hair and sigh.
Why is she asking so many questions?
The timer on her phone dings, signaling the end of our session.
“Saved by the bell,” I whisper.
“We’ll start here next time,” she says as she gets up from the armchair. “Thank you for opening up, Duke.”
She walks toward the door.
“Wait. I need to talk to you.”
Lila turns to face me. “I have another patient in ten minutes. You have to go.”
“I don’t want to wait until next week.”
“You’re only required to come once a week.”
“I was hoping to take you and Max to the D.C. Zoo. She mentioned it the last time we were together.” Standing over her, I pin her against the door with my hip pressed into her body. “I won’t be your patient much longer.” She starts to open her mouth, but I interrupt her. “Don’t give me that shit about crossing lines. We already did. You can’t take it back.” I dip my head down low enough that I can feel her breath on my lips. “I want to spend more time with you.”
“It’s not just my life we’re talking about. Max loves you. You’re the equivalent of a superhero in her mind. I’m afraid to get her hopes up. She’s already been disappointed with Ted, who’s unpredictable and flaky. I don’t want her to get too attached to you. It would kill her.”
“Max is the reason I started opening up to you,” I admit.
She nods. “I figured as much. I saw the change in you the night you met her and then again at the game. I know you don’t think you’re making much progress, but you need to look at how far you’ve come. You've held everything inside for years. Whether you realize it or not, our sessions are working. Allowing Max and me into your life is proof.”
“One date,” I say against her lips. “I’m not above begging.”
“Duke, I don’t know…”
I take her hand and hold it over my beating heart. “Can you feel that?” Lila bobs her head, and I continue, “I’ve never felt like this about another woman.”
She shakes her head. “This is crazy.”