He cared less about her past sexual history than everything else. He certainly hadn’t been a monk in his twenties, so what right did he have to judge there?
“And if, down the road, you get bored? If someone finds the perfect script for you and offers you the role of a lifetime?” Would she take his heart, stomp on it and leave it behind? Not that he’d given it over, but if they kept on this road, he might not be able to keep himself from it.
Mickie cleared her throat. “I grew up with a mother who was obsessed with Hollywood, fame, and the dream of seeing her name in lights. It was all she ever talked about. All she ever wanted. Her unrealistic desire to be a star, which, after many therapy sessions I realize was probably an unhealthy obsession, bled into me until I wanted it as well. Before she passed, when she was sick, she thought of nothing but regret at not pursuing her dream. When she died, I vowed to bring her dream to life. To live it out for her. I now realize I internalized her desires and made them my own without ever giving myself a chance to determine my goals and desires. I’m not sure if that makes sense to you, but it’s my truth.”
Well, shit, if anyone understood the self-induced pressure of living up to a departed parent’s wishes, it was him. It may have taken her years, but it sounded as though she’d dealt with her issues in a healthier way than he had. He still harbored a fuck ton of jumbled emotions regarding his screwed-up childhood. “I understand that more than you might think,” he said, giving her a tiny smile.
She returned it. “Don’t get me wrong. I don’t regret everything. My acting career was amazing at times. I’ve had that role of a lifetime, which was an incredible experience. But that chapter has ended. So, to answer your question, should the industry come for me, I will politely turn them down. I don’t want it, Keith. And I won’t want it. I’ve come too far, grown too much, changed in too many ways to risk the happiness and peace I’ve gained. Moving here wasn’t a whim or a fun way to take a break. It was my new hope after hitting rock bottom.”
He liked Michaela. Liked her spirit, her wit, her personality. Liked how she fit in well with his family. It went without saying that he liked the way she looked. And their sex?
Fucking off the charts. All the makings of a potentially long-term relationship. If only he could get past this one hurdle.
He did not fully trust her assurances.
His silence must have triggered her curiosity. “You don’t believe me?” she asked, sadness filling her eyes.
Keith sighed. “I want to, Mickie. It’s not you I don’t believe.” She’d been so open and honest, he owed her a piece of himself in the process even if he hated the memories. “I dated a girl in high school whose family had money. They own a ski resort on the mountain. She’d been Chuck’s girlfriend for the first three years of high school but they broke up the summer before senior year. I started seeing her shortly after.” He cleared his throat as he watched his hand in the water. “I fell for her hard. It was amazing and she introduced me to a life I’d never dreamed of. Once school started up again, I heard a rumor that she was just with me to get back at Chuck, who’d always hated me.”
“Oh, Keith,” Mickie said.
He shrugged as though the memory didn’t humiliate him all over again. “It was the truth. She dumped me in a very public way, calling my family trash and letting the entire school know she’d never be with someone low class like me. My past has taught me over and over not to trust and that people can’t change. That lesson has fucked with my head and made it hard to trust. Not just you, but in general.”
She bit her lower lip, making her look young and innocent. Two things she was not, but he’d never asked for an inexperienced or naïve woman. He wouldn’t want one. They’d never survive him.
“Fair enough,” she said after a long pause. “I suppose I can’t expect you to believe me on my word alone. Not after only a month of knowing me and not after you and the entire world have seen me act in direct contrast to the things I’m claiming. But I’m asking anyway. I’m asking you to put a little bit of trust in me, and I will show you that I deserve more of it. That I deserve all of it. I like you, Keith. In a way I haven’t liked anyone in a very long time.” She blushed. “I think we’re really good together, in and out of bed. So, I’m asking you to try.”