Joy (Hell's Handlers MC 7)

It wasn’t entirely true. The number didn’t matter. Nor did the fact that he slept with men and women alike. His caviler attitude toward the people he bedded is what gave her pause. They were nothing to him. Names were forgotten seconds after he came, if he’d learned them in the first place. Faces weren’t remembered for much longer. He straight up didn’t give a single shit about any of the people who shared their bodies with him.

Maybe if her life had taken a different direction, she’d be able to relax with regards to her sex life, but she didn’t have the luxury. To Jazz, the vulnerability that came with baring herself to another made it impossible to sleep around. Being with a man who’d brag to his friends, tease, and not care how she felt during and after the encounter wasn’t possible.

No matter how much pleasure it’d bring in the moment.

“Jazz?”

She blinked. Screw wore a frown now. They hadn’t spoken since he decorated her house, and if she was honest, she’d been feeling guilty for her treatment of him that day. But between her worry for Toni and Shell, newfound worry for Mama V, and concern for Izzy, her brain didn’t have the capacity to fret over one more thing today.

“Sorry, did you say something?”

“Just hello. You all right?”

Was she all right? Fuck no, she wasn’t all right. One of her favorite people in the entire world was suffering from a potentially incurable disease. She was very far from all right. But the news wasn’t hers to share. Cassie clearly wanted to keep it close to the vest for a while, so Jazz would honor those wishes.

Before answering him, she took a second to study his face. Nothing but sincerity stared back at her. No snarky quip. No attempt to get her naked. She had to admit, running into him filled her with relief. Even without unburdening her worries onto him, she felt a little less alone with her troubles.

The feeling made no sense since he wasn’t at all privy to what went on in her mind. She’d held herself back from people for more than a year. Even while making friends and enjoying time with the Handlers, she hadn’t let any of them see her. Physically or emotionally. There were reasons for that. Deep, personal, painful reasons, but for some reason coming across Screw at that moment soothed her.

She cleared her throat. “Uh, yeah. I’m good.”

Even though their last encounter hadn’t ended well, Jazz had to admit she’d been touched by the way he decorated her house. Of course, he had to go and spoil it by trying to get her into bed again, but the gift had still been one of the sweetest given to her in a very long time.

Screw stepped close. Too close. Close enough, the woodsy scent his cologne or aftershave or whatever it was permeated her senses and made her knees wobble. A good smelling man was her weakness, and right then, Screw smelled incredible. She wanted to lean forward, plant her nose against that hard chest and inhale. But instead, she took a step back.

He followed.

Then another step back.

He followed.

The pattern repeated until she collided with the wall of the quiet hospital hallway.

Of course, he moved right on into her personal space.

“You’re too close.” Instinct had her almost pushing him back, but at the last second, she dropped her hand. Feeling that chest under her palms would be a foolish move.

“Liar,” he whispered, right against her ear. So close his breath tickled her skin, sending a shiver down her spine

Damn him. She wasn’t at her best today.

Somehow, she found the strength to resist. “I’m not lying. You’re too close.”

He didn’t move his body but drew his head back and looked her in the eye. “I’m talking about you telling me you’re okay. It’s bullshit. Something has upset you.”

God, along with smelling good, he looked downright edible. A light stubble covered both cheeks and his chin, making her palms itch to feel the scratchy sensation. His hair was slightly mussed, as though he’d been running his hands through it at some point. There was a reason both women and men shed their clothes and hopped into his bed without a second of thought. The man was a walking sexual temptation.

One she’d become very adept at resisting, but today she felt off her game. With so much stress and worry running through her mind, she stayed where she was instead of rebuffing him as she’d normally do. He was warm and strong, exactly the opposite of how she felt at that moment, and for just a second, she wanted to absorb those traits. To have someone hold her up instead of relying on herself all the time.

“They’re gonna be fine. You know that, right?”

He tilted his head, studying her, and she felt the need to avert her gaze from his curiosity but forced herself to maintain eye contact. “Shell and Toni. Their ol’ men won’t let them be hurt.”