Screw (Hell's Handlers MC 8)

“Sounds good to me. Let’s make it two.”

A minute later the waitress appeared and took their orders. Once she’d left, quiet ensued yet again.

Enough was enough.

“Jazmine?”

“Yeah?” She asked, attention on the crackling fire.

“Look at me. Please.”

With a sigh, she turned her head. The profound sadness in her pretty eyes had him reeling back.

“Make me understand,” he said.

Further clarification wasn’t necessary. Jazz wasn’t the type to play games and pretend she didn’t understand what he meant.

After a nod and a small smile that didn’t reach her eyes, she reached across the table and placed her hand over his. Without giving it any thought, he flipped his palm, interlacing their fingers.

“Something…uh, something happened that night. The night we were supposed to go out.”

“Okay…” His forehead scrunched. What could have happened? As far as he’d known she hung out at home after he’d canceled their date.

She blew out a breath fiddling with a button on her blue cardigan. “It was something that wouldn’t have happened if I’d been out that night.” She shook her head, looking again at the fire. “Or maybe it still would have. I don’t know. But it made me realize I needed to leave Arizona. To start fresh. To cut ties,” she whispered.

“Fuck, Jazz, were you…” He couldn’t even say the word rape. And how would it have happened? Did someone break into her house?

Thankfully, she put him out of his misery quickly. “No,” she said, squeezing his hand. “It wasn’t that. I’m not…I don’t really want to talk about it, but I’m fine. Now. I’m okay and I’m happy here, Gumby. But afterward, I was angry. Furious, really, with the club…with you.” She met his gaze and he didn’t see any anger, but regret was written all across her somber face.

Gumby tried to mask his mounting frustration. They were supposed to be clearing the air. She was supposed to be explaining, and instead of clarity, he was more confused than ever. “So angry that you didn’t tell anyone where you were going? So angry that you completely cut us out of your life? So angry that you gave up on us having a chance at something?”

“Yes.” Her small whisper cut him to the core.

The waitress returned with two mugs and a pot of coffee. With her cheerful smile and sunny delivery of their beverage, she seemed oblivious to the tension at the table. It was Gumby’s turn to stare at the fire.

When Jazz squeezed his hand again, he turned back. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I was in a dark place and needed to leave Crystal Rock for my own reasons. After a few months, when I had some distance and perspective, I realized my anger was misplaced and entirely unfair. By then, I’d been gone so long without speaking to anyone I thought you’d have all forgotten about me. I thought it was better to just continue on as things were.” She cast her gaze downward, staring at their joined hands.

“You thought wrong.”

Her eyes widened. Sitting near the heat of the fire had an adorable flush warming her skin. He could see the flickering flames dancing in her dark eyes. “What is it that you want? Why did you come here?”

Gumby sipped his coffee, giving himself a minute to formulate his thoughts as he enjoyed the strong brew. “It’s been bothering me the entire time you were gone. Lila told us you were safe, but I couldn’t help but feel your leaving was somehow connected to me. Jester told me I was just an arrogant asshole, but I couldn’t shake it. The feeling of being responsible.”

“So you tracked me down.”

He nodded. “So I had Acer track you down. Took this whole time since you led us to believe you landed in the north. Gotta say, Jazz, you haven’t cleared up too much.”

“I know.” She added a generous amount of cream to her coffee.

“I think I feel more responsible now, knowing you held me accountable in the beginning. It’s like I owe you an apology, but I don’t know what for.”

She shook her head. “No. Please don’t think that way. I promise you, you were not the cause of anything. You owe me nothing. If anything, I’m the one who owes you. I’m truly sorry to have made you worry and doubt yourself.” Her gaze met his. “So, now that you’ve found me, what do you plan to do? Are you heading right back?”

He held her stare and gave a slow shake of his head. “I’d like to stick around for a bit.”

Her throat moved as she swallowed. “Why?” The squeaked word had him chuckling.

“You know Marcie had a baby? And Lila’s knocked up?”

The way her mouth popped open told him she’d had no idea.

“Wow,” she breathed with the first full smile he’d seen from her. “That’s incredible.”

As he nodded, Gumby said. “Over the past few years, I’ve watched them all find it. That thing we’re all searching for. The person that just fits. I’ve tried.” He shrugged. “Tried to find it. I want it. And every time I think about it, your face is there.”