He looked off to the side with a sigh and Screw’s anger melted away. He’d been lucky in some respects. With a stripper as a mother, talk of sex in all its forms was more common than getting help with his homework. His mother’s friends were all in the industry and often took pay for sex as a way to make an extra few bucks. Screw grew up not having a single bit of shame where his own sexuality was concerned. Of course, on the flip side, he had to live with the humiliation of his mother being the town slut…
But he knew it wasn’t the same for many. Hell, for most. Maybe he should have been more sensitive to Gumby’s issues.
“So what happened?”
“Huh?” Gumby turned back to him.
“What happened when you got caught.”
“Oh. My dad broke my hand with a hammer. Said I couldn’t hold a dick if my fingers were busted.”
Shit. The way Gumby said it, with this detached voice as though reading from a dictionary made Screw’s heart clench. He wanted to reach out for the other man but didn’t know how his touch would be received. He was so far out of his element, he found himself terrified of doing the wrong thing.
“Then he beat the shit out of me so bad I couldn’t go to school the next day. Shit started happening to the neighbor’s family too. Bad shit. The kid was jumped and beaten nearly as bad as I was. A fire destroyed his father’s office. Their car was tampered with. No one was ever caught, but I knew who it was.”
“Christ, Gumby, that shit’s fucked up.”
“My dad took the hammer he’d broken my fingers with and hung it from a hook on the wall right next to my bedroom,” he went on as though Screw hadn’t spoken. “Told me if he caught me so much as looking at another guy, he’d shove the handle up my ass until I was cured.” The word fell from his tongue as though a vile expletive.
Screw stayed quiet this time, letting him purge the toxins. Finally, he began to understand what made Gumby tick. Not only did he understand it, he’d lived it in another form. No one knew better than Screw how parents could fuck up their kids, giving them lifelong issues.
“He’d always been on me, calling me a fag and a fairy. I think he could sense my interest in guys.” Gumby let out a harsh, ugly bark of laughter. “But after that day, it became relentless.”
He fell quiet and just when Screw thought Gumby was done talking, he continued.
“Pretty sure there wasn’t a time he was in my presence from that day forward that he didn’t remind me of what he thought of men who wanted other men. It was drilled into my head every single day for years. And it was beaten into my body at least two dozen times from that day forward. Until I was eighteen and slammed the fucking door on that phase of my life.”
Slammed the door but didn’t shake the demons.
They stared at each other, white puffs flowing from their mouths as they breathed the cold air. The frigid breeze stung Screw’s skin but he barely felt it.
“Did he ever…” Christ, did he really want to know?
“No. He never sodomized me with the hammer. He didn’t need to. All the broken bones throughout the years and the daily reminders of how disgusting I was did the trick.”
“So…am I…”
Gumby tilted his head and a small smile finally graced his lips. “Are you the first guy since then?”
Screw just nodded, unable to even suck in a breath. The weight of that responsibility settled heavy on his shoulders.
“No. You’re not. I’ve been sucked off a number of times, and I’ve fucked a few guys. But I always waited until the need became too strong to ignore. Then I’d drive to a city two hours away. Find the seediest gay bar I could and fuck some nameless, faceless dude with my eyes closed, my stomach revolting, and my disgust in my heart.”
Screw nodded. So much made sense now. But it hurt. Disgust.
“Did—” Christ, was he really going to ask this? This man was turning him into a fucking pussy. “Did you feel that way with me?”
Gumby’s eyes widened. “No. And that’s why I freaked the fuck out. I can’t say it out loud yet, Screw. I’m working on it, but I just can’t put a voice to my needs or desires. Maybe someday. I’m just not there yet. But I can tell you this, I won’t deny you like I did today. When it’s just us and Jazz, and we’re joking around, or…whatever. I won’t run from it. I’m all in for however long this lasts.”
It was his turn for a bit of internal panic. His natural inclination to balk at the idea of relationships tried to rush to the surface, but Screw shoved it back down. Gumby had just made himself vulnerable in a way he didn’t seem to have done before. Rejection would sever their shaky connection. Screw stepped aside. “Come on in before you freeze your nuts off. They’ll be of no use to me all cold and shriveled.”