Her mother sighed. “I know things between you and your father are strained right now…” With a sniff, she squeezed Holly’s hands.
“Mom…” Her voice cracked as she tried to keep her own emotions in check.
“I’m sorry, honey.” A tear spilled down Cynthia’s perfectly made-up cheek. “But I can’t bear the thought of losing another daughter. Holly, it would kill me.”
Of course her mother was afraid of losing Holly. She’d already suffered the unimaginable pain of having a child murdered. She loved her mother, truly loved her. Both of her parents. And taking a step back from them had her popping Tums. But they couldn’t go on this way. She couldn’t keep denying her own desires and putting her own life on hold because of guilt. They had to meet her halfway. Had to learn how to live without constant fear of any and every bad thing happening to Holly.
This unexpected heavy conversation was taking more energy than Holly had after the busy morning on her feet. Why, oh why, hadn’t she snagged herself a cup of coffee first? “Dad and I had an argument, mom. He doesn’t approve of some of my choices. We’ll work it out. Just give it some time.”
By now, that one tear had descended into full-on crying. “Can’t you just give us this one thing? Can’t you just walk away from this boy? You just met him. Just this one thing, Holly. For us. So we don’t lose you.”
Rubbing her sweaty palms on her denim skirt, Holly blew out a breath. She stared at the table. Like a coward. But what would she see if she raised her gaze. Pleading, begging, fear? “I can’t do that, Mom,” she whispered. “I have to start making my own choices. I have to be allowed to fail and maybe even experience some pain along the way.”
Even as they caused her stomach to hurt, the words had a freeing effect, and Holly finally found the strength to meet her mother’s watery gaze.
“I know that you’re an adult and you have every right to make your own choices, but…but, you have no idea how devastating it is to lose a child. No mother should have to go through that, and the thought of something happening to you now has your father and I obsessing over every decision you make. All we want is to keep you safe and protected at all times.”
“I love you and dad, and I understand why you feel the need to keep me in a bubble, but I can’t live there anymore.” No, she didn’t know what it was like to lose a child. Shattering would be how she’d guess such a loss would feel. But she did know the devastation of losing a sister. A twin. Basically, her other half. And she lost her before they had the chance to experience life together. Her parents seemed to forget that when consumed by their own grief. But Holly felt she handled the loss better than either of her parents ever had. They’d put her in therapy almost immediately after the funeral, but never took care of themselves in such a manner. Without a professional to help to move forward in a healthy way, they hadn’t moved forward at all. They were stuck twelve years back in time.
And they were trying to keep her back there with them.
She flipped her palm and squeezed her mother’s hand. “Mom, you can’t protect me at all times like you could when I was a child. That’s just not physically possible. I know it’s hard to hear, but it’s also important you understand reality. It’s time for me to have control over my own life, make my own friends, and go where I want without feeling like I have to keep you and dad apprised of every decision I make. That includes my dating life.”
Her mom’s eyes dulled. “Holly,” she began.
“Nuh-uh.” Holly lifted a hand. “LJ is not up for discussion unless you are genuinely interested in learning about him as a person and my relationship with him. I will not have the conversation with you about the evils of motorcycle clubs or how dangerous you think he is.”
Cynthia’s lips compressed into a thin line. Clearly, she didn’t approve of that mandate. But miracle of miracles, she didn’t push it. “You need to talk to your father.”
Holly nodded. “I will. When things cool down a little and when I’m ready. This disagreement is not as catastrophic as you think it is. Trust me, okay? We’ll mend our fences.”
Cynthia nodded but didn’t crack a smile or light back up. “You’re leaving me little choice, Holly.”
“I know. And I’m sorry, but I think you and Dad will see this is better for all of us in the long run. I want you two to enjoy your lives as well. I want you to be free of constantly thinking about me and where I am, what I’m doing. You still have a lot of living to do, Mom. There’s a lot of fun to be had out there.” She gave her mom a tentative smile.