All the sounds merged into one loud buzzing in Holly’s head. Choose? Choose between her family and LJ? No, no, no. That wasn’t possible. How had it come to this? Despite all the drama of the past few weeks, Holly had truly believed in her heart of hearts, she and her family would work out their issues and find a new common ground to exist on. Sure, she’d known their relationship would change and be strained for a while. But to be written out of their lives? Since Joy died, they’d drilled into her how petrified they’d become of her getting so much as a hangnail. Over and over she’d listened to them express how their lives would end should they lose her.
And now they were willing to toss her away? Did her mother feel the same? How was it possible?
She shook her head as her father’s form blurred in her vision. Blood rushed in her ears. All of a sudden, she couldn’t catch her breath. She pressed a hand to her chest as she stumbled backward, crashing into the coffee maker. God, was this how LJ felt in the midst of a panic attack? Out of control, confused, and terrified, unable to get his body to respond to commands?
How did someone choose between their family, their blood, and a man they…
Oh, God.
Her arms fell to her sides.
A man they loved.
An impossible decision with an outcome of intense pain no matter which side she chose.
How to make that choice?
“I don’t know,” she answered her internal question out loud.
She looked between her dad and LJ and back again at least four times, shaking her head while her eyes grew wetter and wetter with unshed tears. Then she closed them and just let the tears fall.
A hand cupped her elbow. “Come on, Holly.”
Her father’s soothing tone registered, but her brain wouldn’t process what it meant for her. Feeling as though her mind had separated from her body, Holly allowed herself to be led outside and gently pushed down to the curb. She had no idea how long she sat there staring at nothing while her brain tried to process the past few moments.
Eventually, her father joined her. “You made the right choice, Holly.”
What? Right choice? She hadn’t made any choice. She’d sat there in a trance.
Holly forced her body to move and turned toward her father. His face was drawn in concern.
“I-I didn’t make any choice, Dad.” Her mouth felt sticky and dry.
He frowned. “But you came out with me. Holly, you’re just upset, tired. You came out with me and left that all behind. You did good, honey. When you’re ready, we’ll head home to your mother. I’ll call her to get some things from your apartment so you can stay with us until we find you a new place. A safe place.”
A new apartment? No. She wasn’t leaving LJ.
Holly blinked and looked around, suddenly realizing she was in fact out of the diner. Shit, she’d been so deep in Zombie mode, she’d allowed herself to be maneuvered. “LJ,” she whispered as she looked over her shoulder at the building. He must be freaking out. “Where’s LJ?”
“Who cares?”
“I care, Dad. I care about him very much. Where is he?” She searched right and left trying to catch sight of the man.
He shrugged. “Come on. Let’s go home. Your mother has been worried sick about you.”
Clarity hit her then like a ton of bricks. Her choice had been made. “Worried about me?” She laughed, and the high-pitched slightly hysterical sound would have terrified her had it come from someone else. “Worried enough to fabricate an injury and send me off to an asshole who hit me? Like you’re worried enough to storm into my place of business and threaten to arrest me and my friends. Worried enough to haul the man I love into jail even though I was screaming at you to stop? You call that worry?”
“Love?” Her dad barked a bitter laugh. “Holly, you’re a silly child who has no idea what love is. Now stop this tantrum and let’s go.”
“I’m not going anywhere with you. Not now, and apparently not ever, since you’re the one who issued the ultimatum.” She shot to her feet. “And I do know what love is. Even better, I know what it isn’t. It isn’t threats and stipulations. It isn’t forcing someone to bend to your will. It isn’t impossible choices and emotional blackmail. It’s allowing the person you love to be who they are, flaws and all. It’s supporting someone even if you don’t understand or fully agree with their choice. It’s encouraging someone’s dreams and creating new dreams with them. It’s all the things LJ gives me and everything I want to give to him. Now, if you’ll excuse me, Sheriff, I need to get inside to the man I love. I’m sure your deputies have finished searching for something that doesn’t exist.”