Thunder (Hell's Handlers MC 10)

She offered him an understanding smile. “Would you like to take a walk with me?”

She’d posed it as an offer, but Thunder wasn’t stupid enough to think it wasn’t a command. “Sure.” He held his elbow out to her.

She giggled like a schoolgirl as she threaded her arm through his. “Thank you, sir.”

“Of course.”

They walked about thirty feet down the road in silence. Each step filled him with more dread.

Finally, she spoke. “You’ve been avoiding me.”

He could deny it, but they’d both see his lie for what it was. The coward’s way out. Much as it wrecked him, she deserved this conversation. She deserved to ask him any questions she had about that day. It was her husband’s life for fuck’s sake, and in dodging her, he’d been selfish too long. “I have.” He stopped walking and faced her. “Cassie, I’m so sorry. Ask me anything about that day. I’ll be completely honest, and I’ll accept however you feel about me afterward.”

Her forehead scrunched as she frowned, and then as though the light went on, she tilted her head and sighed. “Thunder,” she admonished.

Christ, he was going to throw up.

She reached up to cup his face between her hands. He had no choice but to look down into her thin face and slightly sad eyes. The hair she’d lost was slowly growing back. Now she had a silvery mop cropped close to her head.

“Oh, my sweet boy,” she said in the loving, maternal way that had earned her the nickname Mama V. “Have you been avoiding me because you think I have a problem with how you handled yourself that day?”

He tried to look away, but she held his face firm, forcing eye contact. “I’m not sure I did the right thing.” Goddammit, his eyes began to water. “Maybe I should have grabbed the bomb on my way out. Or I shouldn’t have chased down Jeremy. Or—”

“Shh!” She said with a strength he hadn’t realized she still possessed. “Enough of that nonsense. Do you hear me?”

Despite being near fucking crying and all torn up inside, he chuckled. While Cassie dished out motherly love like no other, the woman could scold with the best of them as well. “I hear you.”

“You helped your club that day, Thunder. Maybe even saved your club. If Jeremy had escaped, who knows how much more harm he would have done to Jazz or the rest of your brothers? If Viper was standing here right now, he’d smack you upside the head for questioning your actions that day, and you know it.” She dropped her hand and whacked him on the arm for emphasis.

Her words were a balm to his injured soul, stopping the bleeding, but not closing the wound. Now that he’d opened the floodgates, he couldn’t hold back from expressing the worry he’d felt every day since Viper died. “I keep thinking I should have been able to do both. To make sure Viper and Jazz got out alive and chased down Jeremy.”

“Oh, well, look at you,” she said, voice heavy with sarcasm and eyes sparkling. “Didn’t realize you had a cape and bodysuit under that cut. Superman, in an MC. Who’da guessed?”

“I know,” he said, shaking his head. “I know I’m thinking irrationally. But…” He shrugged.

“But you wish Viper hadn’t died. Simple as that.”

With one hand, he pinched the bridge of his nose to fight off the tears while tugging Cassie to him with the other. “Yeah,” he said as he hugged her close. “Simple as that.”

“So do I, honey—every second of every day. But I do not for one second think you could have done anything differently. Had you tried, we might have been burying two or even three people we love. So please, Thunder, please release yourself from this burden. If you need to hear me say it, fine. I absolve you of any and all misguided and misplaced guilt. You’re just as much a hero as my husband, and you need to remember that. Your club loves you. I love you. It’s time to let yourself off the hook.”

With each word she spoke, a bit of weight lifted from his shoulders. “Thank you,” he whispered against the top of her head as he held her tight. “I should be the one comforting you.”

“It’s always a mom’s job to comfort her kids when they’re hurting.”

After walking Mama V back home, he said his goodbyes and took off. Between this conversation and constantly thinking of Makenna since he’d woken up, his brain felt like mush. What he needed was an afternoon of mindless fun, and he knew just the man to give it to him.

“The fuck’s wrong with you, man?” Screw asked two hours later, as he tossed his PS4 controller on the large ottoman in front of the couch. “You’re usually kicking my ass by now, and I’m mopping the floor with you. You hit your head or something?”