“So, a drunken night of fun at the clubhouse followed by a terrible mistake of a one-night stand?” Izzy asked with her mouth full of crispy potato goodness.
Shell dropped a fry midway to her mouth. She couldn’t have swallowed it if her life depended on it. Showed just how bad the situation really was that she wished she’d done what Izzy predicted. “No.”
“Did, um…” Toni wrung her hands. “Did he rape you?”
And there was the question that drove her to therapy even before Beth was born. For months after Rusty went to prison, Shell struggled with guilt, heartache, and shame so severe she couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and had a difficult time making it through her basic daily tasks. Once she saw the tiny swell of her pregnant belly pop out, she knew she needed to get her head on straight. Protecting her daughter was the most important thing, and she couldn’t do that if she couldn’t take care of herself.
“It’s more complicated than that,” Shell said, tearing shreds off a napkin. “I made the choice to sleep with him, and I own that, but it wasn’t because I wanted him or wanted to be with him. There were…circumstances that led me to feel I really had no choice.”
The decision to sleep with Rusty was something that caused her so much anguish and guilt over the years. Because she had chosen to sleep with Rusty. She never fought him, never told him no, basically let him do whatever he wanted to her. But it had been a choice made under extreme duress. He’d given her two options, and the bitch of it was, she’d picked the lesser of two evils.
Suddenly her skin prickled, and she rubbed her arms, the memories of Rusty’s touch like an irritating rash. The realization of what she’d just confessed crashed down around her. Oh, God, people knew her secret. The need to curl into a ball and hide her face slammed into her. “I have to go.”
Toni’s arm came around her shoulders. “Hold on, let’s talk a little more. If Beth gets cranky, I’ll just make her a milkshake.”
“No, I mean leave.” She shook her head. “Leave town. Move somewhere else.”
Toni gasped, letting her arm fall. “No, Shell, you can’t. You tried that once, and it didn’t work. You were away for years and came back because this is your home. You belong here.”
Shell hung her head as the weight of the world settled on her shoulders. “I came back here thinking I’d have years before Rusty was even eligible to get out. And now…it’s just too risky for us to stay here.” Glancing up, she took in her friend’s open-mouthed stare.
“But…” Toni looked so stricken Shell wanted to hug her. “But you and Copper are just starting something. Think about Copper. You can’t leave now.”
The laugh that left Shell’s lips wasn’t one of humor. “Trust me, I am thinking of Copper. I’m always thinking of Copper. This news would destroy him. He’d kill Rusty, and then where would we be? Certainly not living happily ever after in a little ranch with a white picket fence.”
“But—” Toni started.
“Okay, hold up,” Izzy said, lifting her hands. “Let’s all take a breath for a moment—wait, did you just say she got with Copper?”
Shell nodded, her face heating. God, she wanted to stay if for no other reason than to explore this thing with Copper. But life didn’t always give you what you wanted. That was for damn sure.
“Shit, girls, I missed everything this morning. Damn job, getting in the way of my juicy gossip.” Izzy waved her hand in front of her face. “I digress. Look, Shell, you don’t need to give us any details. The details don’t matter, and you don’t owe them to us. We’ll support you no matter what you decide. But you do owe them to Copper. And at some point, it’s going to come out. Even if you leave. It’s not as though Rusty won’t find out you’re a mother. And he might be a motherfucker, but I’m sure he’s smart enough to add two plus two. Or one plus one in this case.”
All good points. But if she and Beth were far away, Rusty couldn’t blackmail her. Couldn’t lord Copper over her head. Couldn’t torture her as he’d done in the past. Couldn’t make her…
Shit, she shuddered. Would he try to get her back into his bed? The fries she’d eaten sat in her stomach like clay brick.
“Even if you run, what’s to say he won’t use whatever hold he has on you to get you to come back again? Once an asshole always an asshole. If he’s going to do something, you moving might not make a difference.”
Well, shit. Izzy sure knew how to take a bad situation and cover it in mud. But she had a point. A valid point. Rusty wasn’t above blackmailing her to return home with Beth. “Fuck,” Shell whispered.