Caleb had never said he loved me. But he saw what was good in me, even when I tried to hide it. He treated me like something precious. Not untouchable, not some ideal version of myself that I couldn’t live up to.
How had this happened to me? I was on the run from the man who’d promised me the world. And I’d fallen in love with an emotionally unreliable werewolf who’d promised me nothing.
It was a shame advice columns didn’t cover issues like this.
Pam must have felt guilty for sending me on this depressing thought train, because she stopped in front of me and told me, “I meant it, what I said before. I’ve known Caleb for a long time now. And I’ve never seen him look at anybody the way he looks at you.”
I shot her a grateful half smile, just as my cell phone beeped in my coat pocket. I pulled out the little prepaid smartphone and saw a new message waiting in my e-mail notifications. Red-burn had sent me a message with the subject line “Package en route.” Just then, Caleb and Abe stepped out of the office, laughing and elbowing each other in the ribs. Caleb caught my eye and beamed at me, which Abe used as an opportunity for a shot to the kidneys. Caleb winced, making Abe cackle, and the two of them started punching each other again. I rolled my eyes, but it was nice to be included in that moment. I was relaxed and happy and full, so of course, that was the moment Caleb’s incredibly punctual stripper wandered into my line of sight, having just come out of the ladies’ room in a revealing parody of a police uniform.
Trixie was a built blond Valkyrie who looked much shorter in her pictures. She was nearly as tall as Caleb, her athletic, busty frame stretching the polyester she wore to the limits of its structural integrity.
I glanced over my shoulder toward Caleb, whose continued wrassling with his buddy prevented him from spotting her. I tried clearing my throat and waving my arms and considered whipping a beer bottle at them, but that seemed like an overreaction. We weren’t going after Trixie per se, just the ring she was wearing, so I had no real problem with intervening on Caleb’s behalf. But how to go about it? Trixie was considerably bigger than Jerry or Mort had been, and I didn’t think she’d have any scruples about hitting another girl. I would need a carefully considered, multifaceted plan.
I hopped off my bar stool and planted myself between this very large lady and her destination, calling, “Hey, Trixie!”
Right, good plan.
Lord, she’s tall.
“Honey, you need to move it,” she said.
“How do you keep those little star pasties on?” I asked.
“Get out of my way!” Trixie said in a commanding tone.
“Did you take a lot of dance classes when you were getting started, or did you mostly get on-the-job training? Because, you know, I am thinking about going into . . . pole work.”
“Sweetie, unless you want me to break that pretty face of yours, you’d better let me through,” she said, glaring down at me. “But with a little work up top, I think you could make a lot of money.”
“Thanks—hey!” I said, looking down at my little teacup breasts.
Which gave Trixie the opportunity to shove me aside and make for the bathroom door.
I looked across the bar to Caleb, who had finally noticed Trixie. He was trying to push through the crowd, but they were getting rowdy, seeing Trixie and assuming that it was almost time for their show. Trixie was barricaded in by the bodies, and this would be the perfect opportunity to whack her from behind with a pool cue . . . if I was capable of such cowardice. And then she turned on me, and I was pretty sure, given the expression on my face and the cue in my hand, that she knew what I was thinking.
She growled and made a grab at my hair. I ducked out of the way, bobbling my cue as I sidestepped her. She rounded, and I raised my fists, but honestly, I was afraid to take a swing at her. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to play this. From what I’d seen of “bikini boxing” on those tacky testosterone channels on cable, it was more about bouncing around and putting on a show than actually trading blows. Why didn’t I switch the TV to one of those more respectable female MMA fights? Why?
Sensing my hesitation, she drew back her arm and plowed her fist right into my face. It hurt, but what disappointed me was the way the punch had me bouncing my ass against the scarred wooden floor. That was demoralizing.
Trixie sneered and turned her back on me to run for the front door. I sprang up from the floor and jumped onto her back to slow her down, but man, she was fast on those big plastic heels.
“Get off of me!” she shouted as I dragged her backward.
“No!” I said. “Give us the ring.” OK, now I definitely felt like Gollum. And if she kept batting at my face with those acrylic nails, I was going to look like him.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” she cried, tossing me off of her. My grip on her shirt popped the Velcro closures, splitting it open for all to see as I smacked against the nearby pool table. Instead of taking the time to appreciate how much that hurt, I launched myself at her. I’d hoped the element of surprise would help me knock her back off her feet, but she caught me and damn near threw me over her shoulder.
She swung at the closest thing to her hands: my head. Since she took no precautions against marking my face, I showed her the same lack of courtesy. And I ended up getting tossed to the floor for my efforts. I could see Caleb’s anxious face bobbing over the shoulders of those standing closest to us. He couldn’t break through the crowd without displaying some serious werewolf strength.
Note to self: Leave the fighting to Caleb. He’s much better at it.
I jumped to my feet, delivering an uppercut to her chin. The crowd cheered when I followed through with the elbow so that it caught her cheek as her face whipped forward. She bent forward, clutching her face. I brought her head crashing down on my knee and kicked out at her legs, knocking her off her stripper heels. She used her position to sweep my legs out from under me.
From there, there wasn’t much strategy, just the two of us swinging away at whatever we could reach. I think I may have punched her in her spangled red bikini top. By that point, I wasn’t able to see so well out of my swollen right eye, so hitting her in the boob was a distinct possibility.
“Come on, ladies, break it up,” Caleb said, peeling me off of her and setting me on my feet.
“Crazy little bitch!” Trixie spat.