‘Emerald.’
‘Mummy.’ At the entrance to the hospital Emerald gazed at her mother.
‘Drogo telephoned yesterday to tell us. I came as quickly as I could. He said that you’d probably gone out for some fresh air.’
‘I told Drogo not to tell you. There’s no point in you being here. Robbie really only wants Drogo, and the doctor says that he must be kept quiet and not have too many visitors.’
Her mother’s hand was on her arm and somehow Emerald didn’t have the energy to shake it off.
‘I didn’t come here for Robbie, Emerald, much as I love him. I came for you, and for myself.’
‘What?’
‘You want to be with Robbie, don’t you, because he’s in pain? Because he’s your child. Well, you are my child, and being a mother doesn’t stop when your child becomes an adult, you know.’
‘It’s my fault that Robbie is so ill.’
‘Mothers always blame themselves when their children suffer. I blamed myself terribly when I thought I might lose you before you were born, and then when you were born safely and you rejected me I told myself it was my own fault because I’d been so afraid when I first knew I was carrying you.’
‘You wanted to get rid of me, I suppose?’ Emerald suggested tiredly.
‘No, never that, never for a minute, but I was afraid of what your birth would mean for all of us, for you, born illegitimate and with no father, for Luc who adored Robert and who believed Robert was his father, for myself, and for Robert, who already had so many hurts of his own to deal with and who I believed would want to bring our marriage to an end. I went home to Denham—’
‘To see Rose, I expect. You always loved her more than you did me.’
‘Not more, Emerald, just differently, because you see I believed that Rose and I were very similar. We’d both been rejected and hurt by those who should have loved us. We were both outsiders, unwanted and unloved. I saw in her so much that I’d felt myself. Rose wanted me to love her, whereas you, it seemed to me, did not.
‘I felt you hardly needed my love, you had so much from Robert, who adored you from the minute you were born, and from my grandmother, who saw in you a great deal of herself.’
‘It made me angry when you always fussed over Rose instead of me. I wanted you to put me first.’
‘All of you come first, Emerald, each and every one of you. When you have more children of your own you will understand what I mean.’
‘More children? I don’t want more children. I just want Robbie to live—’
Emerald broke off as she saw Drogo come hurrying out of the hospital, calling her name when he saw her, demanding urgently, ‘Come quickly, both of you.’
Emerald’s race to Robbie’s room was greeted with disapproving looks from all those who saw it, but she didn’t care.
She hadn’t wasted time asking Drogo what had happened. Every second lost in getting to Robbie’s side took an extra breath of life from him. If he was to die then she must be with him, to hold him and warm him and keep him in her arms until he had been fully taken from her.
The first thing she heard as she pushed open the door to Robbie’s room was a young nurse exclaiming cheerfully, ‘And you’ve really eaten all that ice cream by yourself, have you? Are you sure?’
And then Robbie’s unmistakable voice–a mere whisper, it was true, but still Robbie’s voice–confirming, ‘Yes. I have.’
Emerald put her hand to her lips, afraid to say his name, afraid to do anything other than simply stare in disbelief at her son, who was propped up against his pillows, with a tray, a spoon and an empty tub in front of him.
Chapter Fifty-Four
It was just over a month since Robbie had left hospital, but Emerald was still going into his bedroom several times a night, just for the relief of knowing that he was there safe and alive.
Any minute now he and Drogo would be returning from their walk around the neighbourhood to see how other people’s bonfires were growing compared to their own in the back garden of Lenchester House.
The bond between the two of them had, if anything, strengthened. Robbie worshipped Drogo and would spend every minute with him if he could.
From the drawing-room window Emerald watched as they walked towards the house together. Robbie was even beginning to sound like him.
When Robbie had been lying desperately ill in hospital, and she had thought she would lose him, she had made a promise. Now Emerald decided it was time for her to fulfil it.