And although he'd given that arrogant damned dandy that started this mess a way out of it, Dunbridge had given no sign of withdrawing and that meant that in a few short hours, Jarrod would have to meet him at the dueling oak in order to save his honor and Sarah's reputation. The reputation he'd put at risk with his own carelessness. Jarrod didn't know if he ought to shoot Lord Dunbridge or allow the fool to shoot him.
How could he have been so foolish? How could he have allowed his l
ife to become so chaotic in one day? When all he'd had to do to prevent it was offer to marry her when she'd showed up on his door.
So, why hadn't he?
Because he'd been afraid. Afraid that once she really knew him, once she married him, she wouldn't love him anymore.
Jarrod took off his hat and raked his fingers through his hair before ringing the bell. Blister it! But he'd never dreamed he would turn out to be such a coward. He'd never been afraid to risk anything before; but then, he had never risked his heart.
Now he was haunted by the possibility that he had killed her love. Jarrod didn't think he could endure another round of Sarah's rejection. But how could he endure losing her?
For the first time in his adult life, Jarrod couldn't think what to do. Jarrod Shepherdston, the man they'd called Merlin because he could conjure up a solution to anything, was lost. And all because Sarah had walked away.
All because he had been too afraid to take what she offered.
All because he had thrown her love back in her face.
"Good evening, Lord Shepherdston," Britton, Colin and Gillian's butler, greeted as he opened the front door wide for Jarrod to enter. "Won't you come in?"
"Is it still evening, Britton?" Jarrod asked.
"No, sir, I believe you're correct," Britton replied. "It is after midnight. Allow me to take your hat and gloves, sir." The butler practically had to pry Jarrod's fingers from around the crushed silk brim of his top hat, but he managed to finally take it. "Lord and Lady Grantham are awaiting you in the study. His Grace has yet to arrive."
Jarrod wasn't surprised. After Sarah left him, Jarrod had stood in for Griffin and danced the last waltz with Alyssa, then gone in search of Lord Rob only to find that his uncle had left the party and was escorting the ladies back to their hotel. Griffin and Alyssa had still been saying their good-byes when Jarrod had left.
As he followed Britton from the front door to the study, Jarrod noticed, for the first time, that Colin's house was filled with vases of artistically arranged fresh flowers and bowls of dried flower petals and leaves that gave the rooms a nice fragrance. He never had fresh flowers in his house, or bowls of dried ones, and his shirts and linen never smelled as nice as Griff's or Colin's. And whenever Henderson or Pomfrey brought coffee or tea, they never brought along little sandwiches or biscuits or cakes, the way Britton — and Keswick and Mason, Griffin's butlers — always did.
Little sandwiches and biscuits and cakes were always available at Jarrod's houses, but he'd always had to ask for them. No one in his male-dominated households ever thought to provide the tiny comforts that Colin and Griffin now took for granted.
Jarrod entered the study and stood staring at the tray of coffee and sandwiches on the butler's table beside Gillian.
"Hello, Lord Shepherdston." Gillian looked up from the cipher table she was adjusting and saw Jarrod looking forlorn and out of place.
Colin looked up as well. "Come in, Jarrod, and get warm." It had begun to rain and the evening air was damp and chilly. "Gilly had Britton bring in some coffee."
"Yes, please, Lord Shepherdston, won't you come in and make yourself comfortable?" She motioned him toward a leather chair near the fire. A pretty embroidered pillow in a Scottish thistle design rested in the seat. "I'm working on a series of Scottish-themed designs," she explained when she noticed him eyeing the pillow. "And Colin likes to show off my needlework, but if pillows bother you, just push it aside or set it on the floor."
"Leave it where it is and sit down," Colin instructed. "Try it. I never noticed how uncomfortable those chairs were until Gilly started putting pillows in them to lean against. Makes all the difference in the world. Especially if you prop your feet on the ottoman."
Jarrod sat down and put his feet on the ottoman. Those pillows did make the chair more comfortable.
"Are you hungry?" Gillian asked. Lord Shepherdston hadn't said a word since he'd entered the study.
Suddenly realizing he hadn't eaten anything since early afternoon, Jarrod put his feet down and leaned forward.
"No." Gillian waved him back into his seat. "Stay where you are. I'll make you a plate. Would you like roast beef or chicken or cucumber?" When he didn't sit back or answer her polite query, she lifted a small plate from the table and filled it with two of each, then added a small scone and a wedge of gingerbread. "Would you like coffee or something stronger?" She looked from Jarrod to her husband and back again. "Colin," she said softly, "something's wrong with Lord Shepherdston."
Colin came around the table in two strides. "Jarrod, are you all right?"
Jarrod looked up at him. "Why didn't we ever have vases of flowers and bowls filled with the dried pieces all over the house?" he demanded.
Colin blinked. He and Griffin had rented a London town house together until Griff married. Then Colin had moved into Jarrod's London town house. He'd kept a suite of rooms in Jarrod's London house and at Shepherdston Hall until he'd married Gillian. "I don't know," he replied. "I never noticed the lack or thought about them until I married Gillian."
Jarrod glanced at Gillian. "They're nice."
"Thank you, Lord Shepherdston." Gillian handed him the plate of food and was gratified to see him wolf the sandwiches down.