Chapter One
In Which a Quote from Shakespeare
Insults the Stodgy and Horrifies the Staid
March 15, 1817
Lady Cecilia Petworth to her sister, the Countess of Bredelbane
Dearest Sister,
I take my pen in hand although it is almost dawn, because I know you will be most distressed when the news of this evening’s entertainment at Sandleford House reaches you. Kerr has made quite a spectacle of himself, and although there’s nothing new in that (as we’ve said of your godson before, he gives new definition to the term rakehell), last night his debauchery reached new heights. To the horror of all, he escorted a French très-coquette to Lady Sandleford’s ball. Making mischief as usual, Lord Dressel strolled up to the couple and asked Kerr if he’d set a date to marry his fiancée. Kerr merely tightened his arm around his bird of paradise (for, not to mince words, she was no better) and drawled the most excruciating vulgarity: something like not until she has my baby in her belly and my ring on her finger. Lady Sandleford was naturally quite insulted by such unseemly behavior under her roof, and I’m certain that the story is traveling like wildfire . . . one must be grateful that Kerr’s mother has gone to her rest. I shall write again tomorrow but, dearest, I think the time has come to put your foot down and cause your benighted godson to marry that poor girl—what is her name? It’s too late at night for an old head like mine. I shall write again in the morn.
Yours in all affection,
Cecilia, Lady Petworth
March 16, 1817
The Countess of Bredelbane to her godson, Gilbert Baring-Gould, Earl of Kerr
Kerr,
I have received a distressing communication from my sister regarding your behavior—or should I say, the lack of it—while attending Lady Sandleford’s ball. What needs have you, pray, to leave your usual haunts and attend the assemblies of my friends? Of course poor Cecilia didn’t recognize the provenance of your disgusting reply to Dressel; Shakespeare was never in her line. The least you could have done was to reverse the quotation and put the bit around the ring before the question of the baby. Your fiancée will no doubt be horrified to find that her ability to get with child (and that without yo
ur knowledge) is on the lips of every Londoner. I demand you make haste to the country and marry Emma immediately, preferably with a special license. I shall expect to hear that you have left for St. Albans by tomorrow at the latest.
Yours with all proper esteem,
Countess of Bredelbane
March 16, 1817
Mrs. Broughton to The Hon. Emma Loudan, St. Albans, Hertfordshire
Dear Miss Loudan,
I am not convinced that you will remember me, since we had only the slightest of acquaintances at Miss Proudfoot’s School for Ladies. My maiden name was Laneham. I write you from the deep reverence I feel toward you and indeed, all my fellow students at Miss Proudfoot’s School. The Earl of Kerr spoke of you in such a fashion last evening that I had difficulty restraining myself. To be precise, he said that he would not marry you, implying that you were with child. I know that this information will come as a great shock, given the unpleasant implication as regards your reputation. I hasten to tell you that no one believed it in the least. If our positions were reversed, and I as isolated from the town as you have been, I should wish to be told of his disgraceful comment.
In hopes that you are not angered by my communication,
Mrs. Broughton
March 16, 1817
The Countess of Bredelbane to the Earl of Kerr
Kerr,
As regards my note earlier this morning, I have now had missives from Mrs. Witter and Lady Horne. Lady Horne informs me that you exemplify the depraved appetite of this vicious age. Picture my dismay on hearing my godson described thusly. How long has it been since you even visited St. Albans? I know that you have had a difficult time since Walter’s death, but your brother would not wish you to lose all sense of decency. Next week at the latest I shall expect to hear of your nuptials.
The Countess & etc.
March 17, 1817
The Earl of Kerr to the Countess of Bredelbane
My dear, dearest Godmama,
I can’t take myself to the country today and marry my provincial paragon; I have an appointment to look at a horse. And a fencing match to attend as well. She will have to wait. Granted, I haven’t seen Miss Loudan for some time, but she seemed clear-headed enough when I last found myself in St. Albans. She won’t think twice of these rumors of my degeneracy, should they make their way to her.
Affectionately yours,
Gil
March 17, 1817
Lady Dyott to her cousin, The Hon. Emma Loudan, St. Albans, Hertfordshire
Dearest Emma,
This will be a quick note, as Dyott awaits me. We’re off to Tat tersall’s to find a pony for Garret who is quite a bruising rider at age five, and does us proud. You know how much I hate bibble babble, but I’m told Kerr informed a roomful that you are too old to bear a child; I merely wished to reassure you that I was all of forty-one when Garret was born, and since you are half that age, breeding is not a concern. I only have to think of your sporting nature, and I have no concern for your future. Thank God you didn’t marry Kerr already, because he’s nothing more than a job horse, and you deserve a high-stepper. Do come to London, and we’ll find you a proper spouse.
Much love,
Your cousin Mary, Lady Dyott
March 18, 1817
The Countess of Bredelbane to the Earl of Kerr
The news of your appalling jest has spread throughout the town. I have no doubt but that Emma has heard every loathsome detail. Can you not consider your duty, which is clearly to provide an heir to the estate without delay?
The Countess & etc.
March 18, 1817
Gilbert Baring-Gould, Earl of Kerr, to the Countess of Bredelbane
Dearest Godmama,
I’ll marry Miss Loudan someday, but not this week. And certainly not due to a jest on my part, if admittedly in poor taste. Don’t you think that the ton has become alarmingly illiterate, given that no one seems to recognize a Shakespeare play? I shouldn’t worry about the question of an heir; I’ve heard that country air is remarkably healthy. I can turn out five or six little Kerrs in the next decade.