With Em, I feel calm about changing my life, and the way I think.
She’s wearing the sweatshirt I gave her and nothing else. Her bare legs are muscled, strong, and sexy as hell.
And I know she’s going commando. I resist the urge to reach between her legs and find out if she woke up wet again.
“Can I have my coffee first?” she asks, tipping back the mug. “This is good, by the way.”
“Of course it is. I made it. And no, I want to talk to you now, before you have a chance to escape.”
She cocks a brow. “Are you holding me prisoner?”
“Only if you want me to.” I look out over the snow. We got a good six inches, and it blankets everything around us in white. The overcast sky is white too, turning the world into a quiet winter paradise. “I want you to stay.”
She smiles down at her mug. “We’ve been over this, remember? I am staying.”
“Not on the farm.” I take a breath. “I want you to stay with me. Here, in my house. For good.”
She swallows another sip, smoothing her tongue along her bottom lip. My gut twists. She’s hesitating.
Not the response I was hoping for.
“You know why I can’t,” she begins.
I dip my head. “I do. You’ve got a lot on the line, and I recognize how much you’re risking to be with me. I’m not even sure it’s right to make such a huge ask of you.” I search her eyes. My heart is pounding so hard I feel sick. I take a deep breath and plunge forward. “But I have to ask anyway. What we have—it’s once-in-a-lifetime stuff, Em. Last night, you asked me about my dad, and what went with him when he died. And I think it was my ability to trust people. That whole situation with Olly sure as hell didn’t help.”
“No kidding.” Emma winces. “I can only imagine.”
“Guess I learned that letting people in gives them the power to hurt you. And they will hurt you. So I threw up some walls, figuring I could protect myself or whatever. Which they did—the walls did work for a while. But over time, I realized that keeping people out also meant not letting anyone in. I didn’t let anyone know me, and I was lonely as hell.” I swallow when I see Em’s eyes fill with tears. “And then I met you. You live fearlessly, and even though it took a hot minute for the message to get through my thick skull, you eventually inspired me to do the same. You’re different in all the right ways. I fucking adore that about you.”
Emma blinks, hard, eyelashes fluttering. “You’re killing me, Samuel.”
“I know,” I say, managing a smirk despite the lump in my throat. “So tell me to fuck off and I’ll leave you alone. You’ll break my goddamn heart, but if you can’t see a way for us to be together, then say the word and I’ll never bring this up again. But I really do believe this is a risk worth taking. Take it with me. Please. I want to wake up with you every morning. I want to fuck you without a condom. I want to be yours, Em.”
She sniffles. Shit, she’s crying. I reach over and catch a tear with my thumb. My body ignites at the contact. Judging by the way Emma’s breath catches, she feels it too. The spark that remains alive between us despite the very real obstacles keeping us apart.
“But how? How would we make that work? And what would it look like?”
I gently thumb her chin, urging her to look up at me. “We take it one day at a time. We communicate. We gotta be intentional about everything, even the smallest decisions. Basically, we do what we can to explore this thing between us while minimizing the impact if—”
“If shit blows up in our faces.” She digs her teeth into her bottom lip. “What then?”
I tug at that lip with my thumb. “We figure it out. Look, I wish I had a better answer for you. I know I’ve hurt you before, but I promise to try my best to never do it again. I’m done bullshitting people, you most of all. I’m done being angry and stupid. Will it suck if things don’t work out? Yeah, absolutely. But could it be amazing if they do? Fuck. Yes.”
She grins at that. “I don’t disagree with what you’re saying. And I appreciate your honesty, Samuel. Really, I do. I can’t tell you how refreshing it is, you being so up front about where you’re at and what you want. It’s kind of the biggest turn-on ever.”
I reach for her free hand and put it on my chubby. She wags her brows. I growl.